Subject: Activities (Page 26)

Someone stole my antidepressants; whoever they are, I hope they’re happy.


Activities Drugs

I like to play chess with bald men in the park, although it's hard to find 32 of them.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Situations

Window Shopping: Eye browsing.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Tell him I’ve been too f**king busy – or vice versa.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Activities Sex Situations Time

Futon World – a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Shopping Situations Things Time

Jim: Yeah, I did some drugs, though probably not as many as you think. How many drugs do you think I did?

Elaine Nardo: A lot.

Jim: Wow! Right on the nose!

(1938 – ) American actor
Activities Drugs TV/Movie Quotes

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.

Situations Sleep

Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Age Happiness Health Old

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Activities Games Situations

No matter which direction you start it’s always against the wind coming back.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

We have only one person to blame, and that’s each other.

professional hockey player
Activities Hockey Misspokements

Please don’t ask me what the score is, I’m not even sure what the game is.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Activities Games Life

When you’re high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it’s not worth the fucking effort.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Drugs

I daydreamed that I was falling and, just before I hit the ground, I fell asleep.

comedian
Situations Sleep

Pulled my groin the other day – for about 20 minutes.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Activities Language Sex

Customs is punishment for those who travel.

(1969 – ) American comedian & actor
Activities Travel

Shopping is probably the most underrated contact sport in the world.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Shopping

Sleep… the most beautiful experience in life – except drink.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep

He was asked to throw out the first ball at a World Series game; but … he looked at the ball and, instead of throwing it, he put it in his pocket and sat down.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Activities Frugal Money Sports

What is the big deal about trainspotters… I counted 27 of the losers today.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Activities

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one; it didn't come in until half-past five.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Sports