Subject: Activities (Page 27)

Detour: Something that lengthens your mileage, diminishes your gas, and strengthens your vocabulary.

Activities Definitions Travel

I haven’t slept for ten days… because that would be too long.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Sleep Time

One night I was playing poker with tarot cards; I got a full house and four people died.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Games People

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman… it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities Entertainment

My roommate said to me, 'I'm gonna go shave and use the shower; does anyone need to use the bathroom?' … it's like some weird ass quiz where he reveals the answer first.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Games

If these walls could talk they’d be like ‘damn bitch, you’re back in bed again!?

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Activities Characteristics

I’ve decided to become gay… not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

American comedian & actor
Activities Housework

If I didn’t wake up, I’d still be sleeping.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Situations Sleep Yogi-isms

I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities TV/Movie Quotes

Life is a game, the object of which is to discover the object of the game.

Games Life Murphy’s Laws

You give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, but you teach a man to fish and you’ve saved yourself a fish haven’t you?”

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Activities

Boxing is a great exercise… as long as you can yell 'cut' whenever you want to.

(1946 – ) American actor
Activities Boxing Entertainment Exercise Film Sports

I concentrate on exercises from the waist down, since that is the laziest part of a woman's body.

(1934 – ) American actress, singer & author
Activities Exercise People Women

Childish Games: Those at which your wife beats you.

Activities Definitions Games

Advice to anglers: don't take advice from people with missing fingers.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Activities People Sports

I did a sponsored walk once…. in the end, I’d managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Activities

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Activities Definitions

The first word you see at the airport is “terminal.”

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Activities Things

The way I see it… If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you’re doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Autos Driving Intelligence Things

Under an assumed name.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Activities