Subject: Activities (Page 27)

We had different ideas as to what the problem was: she bought me Viagra; I bought her a treadmill.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian, radio personality, author & actor
Activities Exercise Sex

We played strip chess. She had me down to my shorts and I fainted from tension.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Activities TV/Movie Quotes

You know it’s time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Housework Work

It’s easy to tell when you’ve got a bargain – it doesn’t fit.

Activities Clothing Murphy’s Laws Shopping

If you start to clean your desk in the spare bedroom you will probably have to clean the garage to find what you need to finish cleaning the desk.

Housework Murphy’s Laws

Show me a man who lives alone and has a perpetually clean kitchen, and 8 times out of 9 I’ll show you a man with detestable spiritual qualities.

(1920 – 1994) German-born author & poet
Beliefs Housework

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

Activities Autos Beliefs Problems Proverbs Travel

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Problems Sleep

A man seldom knows what he can do until he tries to undo what he did.

(1881 – 1973) Spanish painter, sculptor, printmaker & stage designer
Activities

“Belinda Carlisle sings, ‘We dream the same dream' … but I can’t believe that every night Belinda Carlisle has a wet dream about Wilma Flintstone.

(1964 – ) British comedian, novelist & television presenter
Activities Self Sleep

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’… On what?… On fire?

(1954 – ) American actress & comedian
Activities Clothing Shopping Situations Women

Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Life Situations Sleep

My second favorite household chore is ironing, my first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Housework

1. The last gas station for 50 miles will be closed when you get there. 2. At the moment of any departure, the level of gas in your tank depends entirely on how late you are. 3. You only run out of gas after your wife tells you to stop for gas before you run out.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things Travel

I quit smoking ’cause I want to live, and now that I’m not smoking, I don’t want to live anymore.

comedian
Activities Life

If you're too busy to go fishin', you're too busy.

(1908 – 2003) American actor & dancer
Activities TV/Movie Quotes

Rummage Sale: Where you buy stuff from somebody else’s attic to store in your own.

Activities Definitions Shopping Things

Don't worry, I'm merely catching up with sleep.

Epitaphs Situations Sleep

The most used appliance in our house is my 10-year-old son Leon's Xbox.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Activities Things

Grocery list: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Activities Definitions Shopping

[Poker] as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you could find outside an advertising agency.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Activities Communication Games