Subject: Activities (Page 28)

I used to think about Cindy Crawford; now, I think about leaving dishes in the sink overnight without a war breaking out.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Housework Marriage Sex

The boomarang is Australia’s chief export (and then import.)

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games Places

It has always been my private conviction that any man who pits his intelligence against a fish and loses has it coming.

(1902 – 1968) novelist
Activities Sports

I like to play chess with bald men in the park, although it's hard to find 32 of them.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Situations

Don't worry, I'm merely catching up with sleep.

Epitaphs Situations Sleep

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.


Activities Emotions Happiness Money Shopping

If you want to know what you’ll look like in ten years, look in the mirror after you’ve run a marathon.

American cardiologist & marathoner
Activities Age Appearance Old

I used to dread getting older because I thought I would not be able to do all the things I wanted to do, but now that I am older I find that I don't want to do them.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
Activities Age Old

Thirty ways to shape up for summer — number one: eat less; number two: exercise more; number three… What was I talking about? … I’m so hungry right now.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Appearance Body Exercise

The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Autos Driving Marriage Wives

I knew my parents hated me because my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Games Things

It always takes longer to get there than to get back.

Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

President Bush wants to spend $7 billion this year to fight the drug dealers in Colombia… but they only earn $3 billion a year; so why don't we pay them $4 billion a year not to grow the cocaine?

American comedian & writer
Drugs Money Places

I like to skate on the other side of the ice.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities

I think housework is far more tiring and frightening than hunting is… and yet after hunting we had eggs for tea and were made to rest for hours, but after housework people expect one to go on just as if nothing special had happened.

(1904 – 1973) English novelist & biographer
Housework Work

I swam in the dead sea when it was only critically ill.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Activities Health Places

I'm starting to jog, but every time I do jog I have 9-1 pressed into my phone, with the next ‘1’ ready to be launched in case I drop.

(1965 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Activities Exercise

Excuse the mess but we live here.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Activities Housework

They say the best exercise takes place in the bedroom; I believe it, because that's where I get the most resistance.

comedian
Activities Exercise Sex

I'm not addicted to cocaine… I just like the way it smells.

(1940 – 2005) comedian & movie actor
Activities Drugs