Subject: Activities (Page 3)

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2×4 and a box of 3×5′s and the clerk said, “ten-four.”


Activities Communication Language Shopping

Whenever I feel the need for exercise I go and lie down for half an hour until the feeling passes.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Activities Exercise

Those who live closest arrive latest.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

I spent twelve years training for a career that was over in a week; Joe Namath spent one week training for a career that lasted twelve years.

(1949 – ) American Olympic athlete
Activities People Situations Sports

Multitasking: Messing up several chores at the same time.

Activities Definitions

There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is to enjoy earning it.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Husbands Marriage Shopping Wives

I also smoke a lot of pot… occasionally… every day.

(1966 – ) American actor, musician & comedian
Activities Drugs

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

(1933 – 1998) comedian & actor
Activities

I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don’t have to hold things when I sleep.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Clothing Situations Sleep Things

People don't know this but I helped the Cardinals win the pennant; I came down with hepatitis… the trainer injected me with it.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Activities Baseball Health Sports

Laurie got offended that I used the word “puke” … but to me, that’s what her dinner tasted like.

Activities

Bargain: Something you can’t use, at a price you can’t resist.

Activities Definitions Shopping

One way to get a real kick out of bridge is to sit opposite your wife.

Activities Games

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Animals Conflict Situations Sleep

Shopping is probably the most underrated contact sport in the world.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Shopping

Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Activities Drugs

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: eat out.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Eating Food/Drink Housework

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.


Situations Sleep

Except that right-side-up is best, there is not much to learn about holding a baby.

(1918 – 2001) American sportswriter, commentator & actor
Children Family People Travel

The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.

(1838 – 1918) journalist, historian, academic & novelist
Activities

The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Travel