Subject: Activities (Page 31)

My Big Sister Takes Drugs

Book Titles Drugs

I have to work out like a tri-athlete just to maintain chubby.

comedian
Appearance Body Exercise Fat

They should call fishing what it really is… tricking and killing!

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Animals Language Sports

I make no bones about it; I need eight hours a day, and at least ten at night.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Sleep

I burned 60 calories… that should take care of the peanut I ate in 1962.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Body Exercise Fat

My grandma used to say “Sound your Klaxon when you come around a turn,” and I’d say “Shut your f**king Klaxon I’m driving!” … Oh we had fun.

(1963 – ) American comedian & author
Activities Driving

I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills… my doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Health Situations Sleep

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.

(1937 – 2005) journalist & author
Alcohol Drugs Life Self

Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Activities Beliefs Characteristics Clothing Lies Sports

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities

I think housework is far more tiring and frightening than hunting is… and yet after hunting we had eggs for tea and were made to rest for hours, but after housework people expect one to go on just as if nothing special had happened.

(1904 – 1973) English novelist & biographer
Housework Work

There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.

(1979 – ) American actress, comedian & writer
Activities Sleep

Eleven months’ hard work and one month’s acute disappointment.

British businessman & politician
Activities

I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don’t have to hold things when I sleep.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Clothing Situations Sleep Things

1. You can get “anywhere” in ten minutes if you go fast enough.
2. Speed bumps are of negligible effect when the vehicle exceeds triple the desired restraining speed.
3. The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.
4. This lane ends in 500 feet.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

A British newspaper published a photo of Michael Phelps inhaling from a marijuana pipe; Phelps says he only took one hit, but he held it for three minutes.

(1952 – ) American fitness coach & educator
Activities Drugs

If an item is advertised as "under $50," you can bet it's not $19.95.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Excuse me, my leg has gone to sleep; do you mind if I join it?

(1887 – 1943) theater critic & commentator
Situations Sleep

Sound Sleeper: Someone who snores.

Activities Definitions Sleep

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Death People

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one; it didn't come in until half-past five.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Sports