Subject: Activities (Page 32)

The other line moves faster.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Shopping

I went to a massage parlor; it was self service.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Sex

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today; they left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician
Activities Driving Situations

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

I travel a lot; I hate having my life disrupted by routine.

(1911 – ) American editor & writer
Activities Travel

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Activities Girls People School Sex

I like being married for two reasons: 1) I got really tired of dating, and 2) I got really tired of exercising.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Dating Exercise Marriage Relationships

My first rule of consumerism is never to buy anything you can’t make your children carry.

American author
Activities Shopping

The man has not been born for whom I will iron a shirt.

(1939 – ) English actress
Activities Housework Men

Why would anybody want to go skiing? You could sit in the comfort of you own kitchen and break your knees with a hammer.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Activities

You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Housework Things Time Work

The distance to the gate from which your flight departs is inversely proportional to the time remaining before the scheduled departure of the flight.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

Rummage Sale: Where you buy stuff from somebody else’s attic to store in your own.

Activities Definitions Shopping Things

Set aside half an hour every day to do all your worrying; then take a nap during this period.

Situations Sleep

I don't need drugs anymore, thank God; I can get the same effect just by standing up real fast.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Age Drugs Old

Children have more energy after a hard day of play than they do after a good night's sleep.

Children Murphy’s Laws Situations Sleep

Keeping house is as unpleasant and filthy as coal mining, and the pay's a lot worse.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Activities Housework

I was in Moldova airport and I went into the duty-free shop – and there wasn’t a duty-free shop.

British football player
Activities Misspokements Travel

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

(1943 – ) English rock singer
Activities Appearance Body Fat Self

I'm on a wrong-way street!

Driving Malaprops

If you go to Bed Bath & Beyond without a coupon, people will wonder if you’re OK.

(1964 – 2014) American actor, Broadway performer & stand-up comedian
Activities Shopping