Subject: Activities (Page 33)

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle… it wasn’t mine.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Dance Entertainment

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I’m hot under the collar.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Activities TV/Movie Quotes

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.

(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor
Activities Shopping Things Time

There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Fools Sports

Children have more energy after a hard day of play than they do after a good night's sleep.

Children Murphy’s Laws Situations Sleep

When you’re high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it’s not worth the fucking effort.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Drugs

Fishing License: Permit issued upon payment of a modest fee that allows fishermen to lose lures in a specified area.

Activities Definitions

A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

Activities Housework Life Proverbs

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Exercise Work

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women – one cleaning and the other dusting.

Australian comedian & actress
Housework People Women

I have to work out like a tri-athlete just to maintain chubby.

comedian
Appearance Body Exercise Fat

Gardening: Man’s effort to improve his lot.

Activities Definitions

The amount of sleep needed by the average person is five minutes more.

typographer
Activities Situations Sleep Time

The last rush-hour express bus to your neighborhood leaves five minutes before you get off work.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

Last time I went camping I accidentally borrowed a circus tent.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Situations Things

I can’t exercise for long; when I get back from a run my girlfriend usually asks if I’ve forgotten something.

comedian
Activities

My first rule of consumerism is never to buy anything you can’t make your children carry.

American author
Activities Shopping

Pulled my groin the other day – for about 20 minutes.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Activities Language Sex

Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door.

writer
Activities Housework

I tried cocaine to lose weight… it just made me eat faster.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor
Activities Appearance Body Drugs Eating Fat

This is the second most exciting indoor sport, and the other one shouldn't have spectators.

American sports executive
Activities Basketball Sports