Subject: Activities (Page 34)

Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught.

Activities Honesty Lies

Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Activities Characteristics

I played a great horse yesterday; it took seven horses to beat him.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Animals

I was just vacationing in Amsterdam, where prostitution is legal; let me rephrase that – I was just vacationing in Amsterdam because prostitution is legal.

American comedian & writer
Activities Places Travel

The label "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" means the price went up.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping Things

I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities

This lane ends in 500 feet.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Activities Travel

How do you know if it's time to wash the dishes and clean your house?… look inside your pants and if you find a penis in there, it's not time.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Housework Men People Situations

Never try to guess your wife's size. Just buy her anything marked ‘petite’ and hold on to the receipt.

Appearance Body Clothing Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Self-abuse is the sincerest kind.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Activities Self Sex

The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong – but that’s the way to bet.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Sports

I like long walks… especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Activities People

Hook: Irritating but highly reliable device used to quickly locate the position of one’s thumb at the bottom of a tackle box.

Activities Definitions

My friend died doing what he loved… heroin.

Canadian-American comedian, writer & columnist
Activities Death Drugs

To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Activities Age Exercise Young

I do try to fight ignorance and stereotypes and racism with karate – like the Asians do.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Activities Intelligence

Let me ask you… would crack be so bad, and would people think so harshly of crack, if it were called 'crackle'?

(1968 – ) American actor & comedian
Activities Communication Drugs Language

No human being believes that any other human being has a right to be in bed when he himself is up.

(1879 – 1949) Irish writer
Activities Sleep

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Activities Conflict Fights Hockey Sports

He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.

Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel