Subject: Activities (Page 35)

The Spanish manager is pulling his captain off!

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Activities Colemanballs Misspokements Sports

Strip Poker: A game in which the more you lose the more you have to show for it.

Activities Definitions

Insomnia: The inability to sleep even when it’s time to get up.

Activities Definitions Sleep

In Swan Lake, I was the lifeguard.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Entertainment

We had different ideas as to what the problem was: she bought me Viagra; I bought her a treadmill.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian, radio personality, author & actor
Activities Exercise Sex

I travel a lot; I hate having my life disrupted by routine.

(1911 – ) American editor & writer
Activities Travel

The only cultural advantage L.A. has over New York is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Driving New York City Places

I believed in drug testing a long time ago… all through the Sixties I tested everything.

American baseball pitcher
Activities Baseball Drugs Sports

Sleeping Bag: A nap sack.

Activities Definitions Sleep

The distance to the gate from which your flight departs is inversely proportional to the time remaining before the scheduled departure of the flight.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft, the aircraft will encounter turbulence.

Activities Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Travel

Please don’t ask me what the score is, I’m not even sure what the game is.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Activities Games Life

I buy a dress because I need change for gum.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Clothing Shopping

The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is directly proportional to the importance of the consequences of failing to find it.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

The only thing I liked about camping was the fact that you can be drunk and have dirty feet, and you still had a pretty good chance of hooking up.

comedian
Activities Sex

My friend died doing what he loved… heroin.

Canadian-American comedian, writer & columnist
Activities Death Drugs

Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Places Time

Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.

Beliefs Driving Murphy’s Laws Opinion People

Futon World – a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Shopping Situations Things Time

I never smoke grass and drive my car because, for one thing, no matter how many letters I write to the road commissions, they still refuse to start designing highways with second-chance exits.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Autos Driving Things

Is it common for people to become a pothead at 40? … asking for myself.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Activities Age Drugs