Subject: Activities (Page 35)

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Drugs

I am pushing sixty… that is enough exercise for me.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Age Exercise

The weight of your pack increases in direct proportion to the amount of food you consume from it; if you run out of food, the pack weight goes on increasing anyway.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Activities

In Swan Lake, I was the lifeguard.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Entertainment

Sinker: Lead weight attached to the end of a length of fishing line to facilitate the speedy disposal of unwanted lures.

Activities Definitions Things

My wife… a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There are a pair of shoes on the dashboard. they belong to the last guy she hit.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Driving

All trails have more uphill sections than they have level or downhill sections.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Characteristics Driving Situations

If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Animals Sleep

There’s no future in time travel.

Activities Future Past Time Travel

I could only teach him how to juggle his books.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities

You might be a redneck if… you smoked during your wedding.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Activities Marriage People Rednecks

I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth; they didn’t have to make separations for me.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities

I ask myself questions in those stores I don't ask myself anywhere else, like, 'Will I live long enough to use all those paper towels?'

American comedian & musician
Age Old Shopping

For [my husband], getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Situations Sleep Work

A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.

(1907 – 1973) poet & critic
Situations Sleep Speech

If God had really intended man to fly, He’d make it easier to get to the airport.

(1925 – 2013) comedian & actor
Activities Travel

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games Health

The cigarette smoke always drifts in the direction of the non-smoker regardless of the direction of the breeze.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Situations