Subject: Activities (Page 36)

I do try to fight ignorance and stereotypes and racism with karate – like the Asians do.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Activities Intelligence

No one needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Activities

The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you’re gay.

(1983 – ) American comedian & actor
Activities

The number of stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number of hours you have been on the trail.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Sleep

Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.

Activities Definitions Driving Occupations

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Sports

Passport: A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Definitions Individuals Things Travel

It is to be observed that ‘angling’ is the name given to fishing by people who can’t fish.

(1869 – 1944) Canadian economist & humorist
Activities

Here we have a game that combines the charm of a Pentagon briefing with the excitement of double-entry bookkeeping.

internet columnist
Activities Games

So drug dealers don’t find it funny when you ask for a receipt?

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Activities Drugs Situations

The one who snores will fall asleep first.

Murphy’s Laws Proverbs Sleep

I was skydiving horizontally.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities

I hate when people drive like me.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Autos Driving Situations Things

When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft, the aircraft will encounter turbulence.

Activities Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Travel

To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Activities Age Exercise Young

I want to ride in a cold air balloon; “This isn’t going anywhere!”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Situations

I got a new shadow… I had to get rid of the other one… it wasn’t doing what I was doing.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Things

Anglers think they are divining some primeval natural force by outwitting a fish, a creature that never even got out of the evolutionary starting gate.

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
Activities Animals Sports

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Marriage Problems Shopping Wives

The “Consumer Report” on the item will come out a week after you’ve made your purchase.
Corollaries: 1. The one you bought will be rated “unacceptable.”. 2. The one you almost bought will be rated “best buy.”

Murphy’s Laws Shopping