Subject: Activities (Page 36)

I went to buy some condoms today, and I said to the pharmacist, 'Excuse me, I need some condoms;' and he said, 'Just a minute,' and I said, 'Oh, that's my brand.'

American comedian & actor
Sex Shopping Situations

I ask myself questions in those stores I don't ask myself anywhere else, like, 'Will I live long enough to use all those paper towels?'

American comedian & musician
Age Old Shopping

Air Travel: Seeing less and less of more and more.

Activities Definitions

The only thing I liked about camping was the fact that you can be drunk and have dirty feet, and you still had a pretty good chance of hooking up.

comedian
Activities Sex

When you arrive at your chosen campsite, it is full.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Activities Sports

Bridge is the only game that bruises more shins than hockey.

Activities Games

Sleeping Bag: A nap sack.

Activities Definitions Sleep

At a bargain sale, the only suit or dress that you like best and that fits you is the one not in the sale.

Activities Clothing Murphy’s Laws Shopping

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Problems Sleep

The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping

The last rush-hour express bus to your neighborhood leaves five minutes before you get off work.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

My wife wants sex in the back of the car… and she wants me to drive.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Driving Sex

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Activities Fools Intelligence

I tried to throw a yo-yo away; it was impossible.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Situations

That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men People Shopping Women

Don't cook… don’t clean; no man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities Housework Sex

Thirty ways to shape up for summer — number one: eat less; number two: exercise more; number three… What was I talking about? … I’m so hungry right now.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Appearance Body Exercise

Almost nobody dances sober, unless they happen to be insane.

(1890 – 1937) author
Activities Alcohol Dance

I haven’t been to sleep for over a year; that’s why I go to bed early… one needs more rest if one doesn’t sleep.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Activities Sleep

Life is a game, the object of which is to discover the object of the game.

Games Life Murphy’s Laws