Subject: Activities (Page 37)

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Activities Girls People School Sex

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging; then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it; that’s why there’s graffiti and babies.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Activities Travel

Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Games

The traveller sees what he sees; the tourist sees what he has come to see.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Activities Travel

The Manly Art of Knitting

Activities Book Titles

Self-abuse is the sincerest kind.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Activities Self Sex

Fishing: A jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end.

Activities Definitions

Marijuana should be licensed and kept out of the hands of teenagers; it's too good for them.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Activities People

Three o’clock in the morning, you can get truck tires, falafel and a bag of heroin – in the same store.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian, radio personality, author & actor
New York City Places Shopping

When you arrive at your chosen campsite, it is full.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

I don’t room with him [Babe Ruth]; I room with his suitcase.

professional baseball player
Activities Baseball Misspokements Sports

My wife and I can never agree on holidays… I want to fly to exotic places and stay in five-star hotels… and she wants to come with me.

comedian
Activities Travel

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

Now what I don't get are these people who, instead of buying a four-pack or an eight-pack of toilet paper, they buy the single individual roll; are you trying to quit?

comedian
Shopping Situations

I’ll take a vacation if I don’t go.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities

It was actually easier for me to become a vegetarian – you know, quitting meat – because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of meat.

(1966 – ) American actor, musician & comedian
Activities Drugs Eating Food/Drink

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Sports

Presidents don’t do it to their wives; they do it to their country.

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer
Activities Government President Sex Wives

No matter which direction you start it’s always against the wind coming back.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

I don’t like people who take drugs… customs men for example.

(1950 – ) British comedian
Activities Driving

There's no real need to do housework – after four years it doesn't get any worse.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Housework Situations Work