Subject: Activities (Page 38)

I can’t drive an automatic.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving Things

Sometimes in the middle of the night, I think of something that's funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down… or if the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Emotions Situations Sleep

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Sex

I like to skate on the other side of the ice.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities

I love Mexico because it’s a giant dollar store.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Places Shopping

Life is like a game of poker: If you don’t put any in the pot, there won’t be any to take out.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Activities Games Life

You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.

(1934 – 1997) journalist
Activities America Autos Places Travel

I am pushing sixty… that is enough exercise for me.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Age Exercise

The remaining distance to your chosen campsite remains constant as twilight approaches.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

I went to a record store, they said they specialized in hard-to-find records… nothing was alphabetized!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Shopping Situations

He was so cheap, for example, that when Mary asked for diamonds for her birthday he bought her two of them… the eight and the queen.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Activities Frugal Money

Roulette: A wheel that seldom takes a turn for the bettor.

Activities Definitions Games

I tried to throw a yo-yo away; it was impossible.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Situations

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

(1943 – ) English rock singer
Activities Appearance Body Fat Self

Foosball: A combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

Activities Definitions

Suzanne: I never use catalogs. I’d rather go in the store and see all the salespeople groveling and sucking up to you.

Julia: Pardon me, I never knew they were so solicitous at the K-Mart.

(1939 – 2010) American actress
Activities Shopping TV/Movie Quotes

I'm on a wrong-way street!

Driving Malaprops

Men can say things in stores women can't believe like, "but I already have a pair of black pants.”

(1952 – ) comedian
Men People Shopping Speech Women

The other line moves faster.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Shopping

I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities TV/Movie Quotes

Excuse the mess but we live here.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Activities Housework