Subject: Activities (Page 38)

Knitting: An exercise that gives women something to do when they are talking.

Activities Definitions

Shopping is probably the most underrated contact sport in the world.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Shopping

Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Drugs TV/Movie Quotes

With my ol’ man, I got no respect. He told me to start at the bottom. He was teaching me how to swim.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Mothers Self

He can’t decide whether to have his visor half open or half closed.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Activities Auto racing Misspokements Sports

All really grim gardeners possess a keen sense of humus.

(1898 – 1951) Scottish humorist
Activities Wordplay

I went to a gym; they offered me free membership for life if I posed for a 'don't let this happen to you' poster.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor
Activities Exercise

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.

Situations Sleep

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Activities Age Old

My friend died doing what he loved… heroin.

Canadian-American comedian, writer & columnist
Activities Death Drugs

Sound Sleeper: Someone who snores.

Activities Definitions Sleep

You ever go shopping for a really cute, little, sexy black dress – and you come home with an extra-large pepperoni pizza?


Shopping Situations

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Housework

I found an old swimming suit that I had made out of sponges; I remember one time I wore it in a pool, then I left and no one could go swimming until I came back.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Situations

The shortest route has the steepest hills.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

I don’t know if you’ve ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Activities Situations Sleep

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games People

There’s no future in time travel.

Activities Future Past Time Travel

I get my exercise from acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.

(1834 – 1928) American attorney for Cornelius Vanderbilt
Activities Death Exercise

Laurie got offended that I used the word “puke” … but to me, that’s what her dinner tasted like.

Activities

I'm on a wrong-way street!

Driving Malaprops