Subject: Activities (Page 38)

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Clothing Sex Things Women

The weight of your pack increases in direct proportion to the amount of food you consume from it; if you run out of food, the pack weight goes on increasing anyway.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

I'm on a wrong-way street!

Driving Malaprops

The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Travel

The most important item in an order will no longer be available.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Activities Golf Sports

People don't know this but I helped the Cardinals win the pennant; I came down with hepatitis… the trainer injected me with it.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Activities Baseball Health Sports

The remaining distance to your chosen campsite remains constant as twilight approaches.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years.

English police officer, writer, stand-up comedian & radio performer
Activities Sports

Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Places Time

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.

(1934 – 1997) journalist
Activities America Autos Places Travel

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Activities

Ever notice that Soup For One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

(1952 – ) comedian
Food/Drink Shopping

Bridge: A game which gives women something to try to think about while they are talking.

Activities Definitions Games

The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is directly proportional to the importance of the consequences of failing to find it.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

For sincere advice and the correct time, call any number at random at 3:00 a.m.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities Sleep Time

If you start to clean your desk in the spare bedroom you will probably have to clean the garage to find what you need to finish cleaning the desk.

Housework Murphy’s Laws

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I’m hot under the collar.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Activities TV/Movie Quotes

If I didn’t wake up, I’d still be sleeping.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Situations Sleep Yogi-isms

Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Emotions Exercise Love Sex