Subject: Activities (Page 39)

If fishing is a religion, fly fishing is high church.

(1940 – ) American television journalist & author
Activities

Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Activities Golf Sports

Someone stole my antidepressants; whoever they are, I hope they’re happy.


Activities Drugs

Snake eyes is a gambling term… and an animal term, too.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Animals Games

I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Exercise Sleep

All really grim gardeners possess a keen sense of humus.

(1898 – 1951) Scottish humorist
Activities Wordplay

Insomnia: contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.

Activities Definitions Sleep

The best tip for insomnia for me is not trying to sleep.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

Strip Poker: A game in which the more you lose the more you have to show for it.

Activities Definitions

I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills… my doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Health Situations Sleep

The customer is always ripe.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Shopping

What, I’m gonna work all year so I can go out and pretend I’m homeless?

Activities

There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is to enjoy earning it.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Husbands Marriage Shopping Wives

There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.

(1979 – ) American actress, comedian & writer
Activities Sleep

The one who least wants to play is the one who will win

Activities Games Murphy’s Laws Situations

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali; he was using a dotted line… he caught every other fish.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Art

I still feel 30, except when I try to run.

(1929 – ) American comedian & comic actor
Activities Age Old

I used to dread getting older because I thought I would not be able to do all the things I wanted to do, but now that I am older I find that I don't want to do them.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
Activities Age Old

Scientists are trying to invent Viagra for women. It’s been along for years… it’s called cash.

(1962 – ) American comedian & actor
Activities People Shopping Women

So drug dealers don’t find it funny when you ask for a receipt?

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Activities Drugs Situations

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games People