Subject: Activities (Page 4)

Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Life Sleep

There are three side effects of acid; enhanced long term memory, decreased short term memory… and I forget the third.


Activities Drugs Intelligence Memory

Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say, "I'm gonna go shave, too."

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities

Jamaican Air – Every flight is the red-eye!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Travel

A man seldom knows what he can do until he tries to undo what he did.

(1881 – 1973) Spanish painter, sculptor, printmaker & stage designer
Activities

He can’t decide whether to have his visor half open or half closed.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Activities Auto racing Misspokements Sports

In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Activities

Straight down the middle. No hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter
Activities TV/Movie Quotes

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces… and when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities

1. If you like it, they don't have it in your size. 2. If you like it and its in your size, it doesn't fit anyway. 3. If you like it and it fits, you can't afford it. 4. If you like it, it fits, and you can afford it, it falls apart the first time you wash it.

Appearance Clothing Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish… my dreams were broadcast all over the world.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Situations Sleep World

If you want to know what you’ll look like in ten years, look in the mirror after you’ve run a marathon.

American cardiologist & marathoner
Activities Age Appearance Old

I used to think about Cindy Crawford; now, I think about leaving dishes in the sink overnight without a war breaking out.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Housework Marriage Sex

I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg… I thought: ‘This could be interesting.’

comedian
Activities Exercise

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" and I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Mistakes Situations Sleep

All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others.

Activities Games Murphy’s Laws

Life is the only game in which the object of the game is to learn the rules.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Activities Games Life

Insomnia: contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.

Activities Definitions Sleep

One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Activities Characteristics Games Honesty

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities Communication Dance Entertainment Music Speech

The label "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" means the price went up.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping Things