Subject: Activities (Page 4)

I concentrate on exercises from the waist down, since that is the laziest part of a woman's body.

(1934 – ) American actress, singer & author

My idea of gambling was walking through Central Park, whistling show tunes.

(1939 – ) American actor, dancer, singer, producer & choreographer

I joined Gamblers Anonymous; they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Gardening: Man’s effort to improve his lot.

Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught.

Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

One road trip we were stuck on the runway for seven hours. The plane kept driving and driving until we arrived at the rink and I realized we were on a bus.

Canadian hockey player

Last time I went camping I accidentally borrowed a circus tent.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

How to be a Drug Dealer

When I was in college, we did mushrooms and acid… and did I mention acid?

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

One of the worst things that can happen to you in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age.

American billiards champion & hustler

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

I gotta quit smoking, doctor’s orders… and the drinking, court orders.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host

All trails have more uphill sections than they have level or downhill sections.

Knitted Historical Figures

Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive; last week she learned how to aim it.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

Vacation: Two weeks on the sunny sands – and the rest of the year on the financial rocks.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist

If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor