Subject: Activities (Page 4)

Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

There are three side effects of acid; enhanced long term memory, decreased short term memory… and I forget the third.


Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say, "I'm gonna go shave, too."

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Jamaican Air – Every flight is the red-eye!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

A man seldom knows what he can do until he tries to undo what he did.

(1881 – 1973) Spanish painter, sculptor, printmaker & stage designer

He can’t decide whether to have his visor half open or half closed.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator

In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

Straight down the middle. No hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces… and when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’

(1973 – ) American comedian

1. If you like it, they don't have it in your size. 2. If you like it and its in your size, it doesn't fit anyway. 3. If you like it and it fits, you can't afford it. 4. If you like it, it fits, and you can afford it, it falls apart the first time you wash it.

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish… my dreams were broadcast all over the world.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

If you want to know what you’ll look like in ten years, look in the mirror after you’ve run a marathon.

American cardiologist & marathoner

I used to think about Cindy Crawford; now, I think about leaving dishes in the sink overnight without a war breaking out.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality

I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg… I thought: ‘This could be interesting.’

comedian

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" and I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others.

Life is the only game in which the object of the game is to learn the rules.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

Insomnia: contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.

One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

The label "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" means the price went up.