Subject: Activities (Page 4)

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Activities Life Sports

You don’t get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

(1949 – ) American actress
Activities Housework

Insomnia: The inability to sleep even when it’s time to get up.

Activities Definitions Sleep

The game of life is always called on account of darkness.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Activities Games Life

As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airliner encounters turbulence.
Davis's Explanation of Roger's Law: Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.

Murphy’s Laws Travel

I hate when my foot falls asleep during the day because I know it will be up all night.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations Sleep

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Housework Work

Let me ask you… would crack be so bad, and would people think so harshly of crack, if it were called 'crackle'?

(1968 – ) American actor & comedian
Activities Communication Drugs Language

Don't cook… don’t clean; no man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities Housework Sex

I think housework is far more tiring and frightening than hunting is… and yet after hunting we had eggs for tea and were made to rest for hours, but after housework people expect one to go on just as if nothing special had happened.

(1904 – 1973) English novelist & biographer
Housework Work

Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won’t bring their kids over to your house?

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Children Friends People Travel

Follow seven beers with a couple of Scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own.

(1921 – 2001) Welsh comedian & singer
Activities Alcohol Drugs Sleep

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games Health

For sincere advice and the correct time, call any number at random at 3:00 a.m.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities Sleep Time

How do you know if it's time to wash the dishes and clean your house?… look inside your pants and if you find a penis in there, it's not time.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Housework Men People Situations

I'm busier than a stump full of ants.

Activities Situations

One road trip we were stuck on the runway for seven hours. The plane kept driving and driving until we arrived at the rink and I realized we were on a bus.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports Travel

You might be a redneck if… you see a sign that says "Say No To Crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Body Drugs People Rednecks

Bargain: Something you can’t use, at a price you can’t resist.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Three o’clock in the morning, you can get truck tires, falafel and a bag of heroin – in the same store.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian, radio personality, author & actor
New York City Places Shopping

Hook: Irritating but highly reliable device used to quickly locate the position of one’s thumb at the bottom of a tackle box.

Activities Definitions