Subject: Activities (Page 40)

In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Activities

My first rule of consumerism is never to buy anything you can’t make your children carry.

American author
Activities Shopping

There are plenty of good five cent cigars in the country… the trouble is they cost a quarter.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
Activities Money

I ran three miles today… finally I said, ‘Lady take your ‘purse.'

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Exercise

The one who snores will fall asleep first.

Murphy’s Laws Proverbs Sleep

There is only one thing worse than dreaming you are at a conference and waking to find that you are at a conference, and that is the conference where you can't fall asleep.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Sleep

People who say that money can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Emotions Happiness Money People Shopping

In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.

America Murphy’s Laws Shopping

I make no bones about it; I need eight hours a day, and at least ten at night.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Sleep

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: eat out.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Eating Food/Drink Housework

The saying “Getting there is half the fun” became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.


Activities Situations Travel

Nothing annoys a woman more than to have company drop in unexpectedly and find the house looking as it usually does.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Housework People Situations

Sex is like a game of bridge… if you don't have a good partner, you need a good hand.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Games Sex

Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Games

Action: The last resource of those who know not how to dream.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Activities

Why would anybody want to go skiing? You could sit in the comfort of you own kitchen and break your knees with a hammer.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Activities

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Games

I'm starting to jog, but every time I do jog I have 9-1 pressed into my phone, with the next ‘1’ ready to be launched in case I drop.

(1965 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Activities Exercise

Snake eyes is a gambling term… and an animal term, too.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Animals Games

One time, I got pulled over at four a.m.; I was fined seventy-five dollars for being intoxicated and four-hundred for being with the Phillies.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Driving Sports

We have a sock talking at our commencement; it’s kind of upsetting.

Activities