Subject: Activities (Page 40)

Sex is like a game of bridge… if you don't have a good partner, you need a good hand.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Now what I don't get are these people who, instead of buying a four-pack or an eight-pack of toilet paper, they buy the single individual roll; are you trying to quit?

comedian

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

There’s no future in time travel.

I travel a lot; I hate having my life disrupted by routine.

(1911 – ) American editor & writer

A kind heart is of little value in chess.

I was thinking of running a marathon, but I think it might be too difficult getting all the roads closed and providing enough water for everyone.

comedian

Yoga is basically spending an entire hour trying to not fart.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian

The score never interested me, only the game.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Window Shopping: Eye browsing.

Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by moments of stark terror.

disc jockey, screenwriter & humorist

In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it’s a sport.

(1932 – 2017) comedian, social activist, critic & writer

I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg… I thought: ‘This could be interesting.’

comedian

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor

I daydreamed that I was falling and, just before I hit the ground, I fell asleep.

comedian

Whatever arrangement you make for the division of household duties, your husband's job will be easier.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

“Belinda Carlisle sings, ‘We dream the same dream' … but I can’t believe that every night Belinda Carlisle has a wet dream about Wilma Flintstone.

(1964 – ) British comedian, novelist & television presenter

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian