Subject: Activities (Page 40)

Exercise: The joy of flex.

Activities Definitions Exercise

Smoking is a dying habit.

(1948 – ) British politician
Activities

Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.

Activities Definitions Driving Occupations

The one who snores will fall asleep first.

Murphy’s Laws Proverbs Sleep

I liked Amsterdam… I spent $2,000 window shopping.

(1957 – ) American comedian
Places Sex Shopping

Bus schedules are arranged so your bus will arrive at the transfer point precisely one minute after the connecting bus has left.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

Do you ever do one chore, and then celebrate that for ten years?

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Activities

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.

(1934 – 1997) journalist
Activities America Autos Places Travel

There is no traffic until you need to make a left turn.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Excuse me, my leg has gone to sleep; do you mind if I join it?

(1887 – 1943) theater critic & commentator
Situations Sleep

I get my exercise from acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.

(1834 – 1928) American attorney for Cornelius Vanderbilt
Activities Death Exercise

Insomnia: The inability to sleep even when it’s time to get up.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities Death

Several members of our youth department are collecting donations for Operation Graduation. Funds will be used for a drug and alcohol party following graduation on May 29th.

Alcohol Church Bulletins Drugs

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Activities Relationships

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, – meaning “ability to,” and bics, – meaning “withstand tremendous boredom.”

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities

You might be a redneck if… you've ever cut your grass and found a car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Activities Autos People Rednecks

Men – because of a tragic flaw – cannot see dirt until there is enough of it to support agriculture.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Housework Men People

I hate traveling, I guess ’cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Activities Conflict Family Fathers Travel

Set aside half an hour every day to do all your worrying; then take a nap during this period.

Situations Sleep