Subject: Activities (Page 5)

I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years.

English police officer, writer, stand-up comedian & radio performer
Activities Sports

Last time I went camping I accidentally borrowed a circus tent.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Situations Things

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Activities Sleep

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Death People

In Swan Lake, I was the lifeguard.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Entertainment

I often take exercise; why only yesterday I had breakfast in bed.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Activities Exercise

Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Definitions Driving

I’ve never had a problem with drugs… I’ve had problems with the police.

(1943 – ) English musician, songwriter & member of the Rolling Stones
Activities Drugs

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him, but life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games

Pulled my groin the other day – for about 20 minutes.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Activities Language Sex

The Manly Art of Knitting

Activities Book Titles

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games Health

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Autos Driving People Things

People will buy anything that’s one to a customer.

(1885 – 1951) American novelist, short-story writer & playwright
Activities Shopping Things

I played a great horse yesterday; it took seven horses to beat him.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Animals

I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don’t have to hold things when I sleep.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Clothing Situations Sleep Things

The weight of your pack increases in direct proportion to the amount of food you consume from it; if you run out of food, the pack weight goes on increasing anyway.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

The only thing I liked about camping was the fact that you can be drunk and have dirty feet, and you still had a pretty good chance of hooking up.

comedian
Activities Sex

I think housework is far more tiring and frightening than hunting is… and yet after hunting we had eggs for tea and were made to rest for hours, but after housework people expect one to go on just as if nothing special had happened.

(1904 – 1973) English novelist & biographer
Housework Work

I can’t drive an automatic.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving Things

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist
Activities Characteristics Games