Subject: Activities (Page 5)

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Activities People Travel

Hoeing: A manual method of severing roots from stems of newly planted flowers and vegetables.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Activities

At 19 miles, when most runners run out of steam and you hit what they call ‘the wall,’ is the exact moment you cross into the South Bronx; so here, they combine running and fleeing.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Exercise Places Sports

I come from Calcutta: in the UK you drive on the left of the road, in Calcutta we drive on what is left of the road.

Indian comedian
Activities Driving Places

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Work

I sleep eight hours a day and at least ten at night.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Sleep

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Games Money

Pulled my groin the other day – for about 20 minutes.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Activities Language Sex

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Sex

A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Sex

The label "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" means the price went up.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping Things

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Children Family

There is literally no difference between house parties and haunted houses.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Activities

Don't cook… don’t clean; no man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities Housework Sex

They could have just had a massive pile of burning tires and more people would have turned up.

(1976 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Activities

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games People

The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is directly proportional to the importance of the consequences of failing to find it.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

The slowest checker is always at the quick-check-out lane.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping

One way to get a real kick out of bridge is to sit opposite your wife.

Activities Games

No matter what I do, I cannot lose this 18 pounds… I mean I have tried everything short of diet and exercise.

American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Exercise Fat

Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Activities Family Relationships