Subject: Activities (Page 8)

Advice to anglers: don't take advice from people with missing fingers.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Activities People Sports

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Activities Travel

Strip Poker: A game in which the more you lose the more you have to show for it.

Activities Definitions

I didn’t intend for this to take on a political tone; I’m just here for the drugs.

(1921 – ) former First Lady of the United States & actress
Drugs Misspokements

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be; no one cares, why should you?

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Housework

Trying to give my kids an education in Los Angeles is a nightmare with the guns, the gangs, the drugs – and I'm home schooling them.

American comedian & writer
Conflict Drugs Education Places

The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Husbands Marriage Situations Sleep Wives

Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Life Sleep

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Autos Driving Marriage Wives

Why would anybody want to go skiing? You could sit in the comfort of you own kitchen and break your knees with a hammer.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Activities

If you start to clean your desk in the spare bedroom you will probably have to clean the garage to find what you need to finish cleaning the desk.

Housework Murphy’s Laws

No matter what I do, I cannot lose this 18 pounds… I mean I have tried everything short of diet and exercise.

American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Exercise Fat

No, you didn’t wake me up; I had to get up to answer the phone anyway.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Sleep Yogi-isms

If these walls could talk they’d be like ‘damn bitch, you’re back in bed again!?

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Activities Characteristics

I am a marvelous housekeeper; every time I leave a man I keep his house.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Divorce Housework Marriage

A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Sex

My nightmares have coming attractions.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

Giving up smoking is easy… I've done it hundreds of times.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Characteristics

I ask myself questions in those stores I don't ask myself anywhere else, like, 'Will I live long enough to use all those paper towels?'

American comedian & musician
Age Old Shopping

The first time you go out after your wife’s birthday, you will see the gift you gave her marked down fifty percent.
Corollary: If she’s with you, she’ll assume you chose it because it was cheap.

Husbands Money Murphy’s Laws Shopping Wives

A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

Arms Games Murphy’s Laws Things