Subject: Activities (Page 8)

Sometimes the road is less traveled for a reason.

Activities Proverbs Travel

I think Foosball© is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities

It (housework) expands to fill the time available plus half an hour: so obviously it is never finished.

Housework Murphy’s Laws

His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Situations Sleep Work

I get my exercise from acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.

(1834 – 1928) American attorney for Cornelius Vanderbilt
Activities Death Exercise

There are more fish taken out of a stream than ever were in it.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Activities Beliefs Honesty Lies

Multitasking: Messing up several chores at the same time.

Activities Definitions

I just got out of the hospital… I had my mother removed from my back.

comedian & television writer
Beliefs Family Mothers Travel

Sinker: Lead weight attached to the end of a length of fishing line to facilitate the speedy disposal of unwanted lures.

Activities Definitions Things

The transatlantic crossing was so rough the only thing that I could keep on my stomach was the first mate.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Activities Sex Travel

Someone stole my antidepressants; whoever they are, I hope they’re happy.


Activities Drugs

How to be a Drug Dealer

Book Titles Drugs

I like being married for two reasons: 1) I got really tired of dating, and 2) I got really tired of exercising.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Dating Exercise Marriage Relationships

Several members of our youth department are collecting donations for Operation Graduation. Funds will be used for a drug and alcohol party following graduation on May 29th.

Alcohol Church Bulletins Drugs

No matter which direction you start it’s always against the wind coming back.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

How do you know if it's time to wash the dishes and clean your house?… look inside your pants and if you find a penis in there, it's not time.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Housework Men People Situations

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Driving Health

People will buy anything that’s one to a customer.

(1885 – 1951) American novelist, short-story writer & playwright
Activities Shopping Things

A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.

American football coach
Activities Education Football Misspokements School Sports

If God wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities God

I am a marvelous housekeeper; every time I leave a man I keep his house.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Divorce Housework Marriage