Subject: Activities » Travel

There’s no future in time travel.

Activities Future Past Time Travel

No matter how many rooms there are in the motel, the fellow who starts up his car at five o’clock in the morning is always parked under your window.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Travel

About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.

American comedian & motivational speaker
Children Dating Family Men People Travel Women

You can travel fifty thousand miles in America without once tasting a piece of good bread.

(1891 – 1980) novelist & painter
Activities America Food/Drink Places Travel

My wife and I can never agree on holidays… I want to fly to exotic places and stay in five-star hotels… and she wants to come with me.

comedian
Activities Travel

Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by moments of stark terror.

disc jockey, screenwriter & humorist
Activities Emotions Fear Travel

I travel a lot; I hate having my life disrupted by routine.

(1911 – ) American editor & writer
Activities Travel

Kids… I like kids, but I couldn’t eat a whole one.

Age Children Family Travel

When traveling with children… at least one child of any number of children will request a rest room stop exactly halfway between any two given rest areas.

Activities Children Family Murphy’s Laws Travel

Whatever carrousel you stand by, your baggage will come in on another one.

Murphy’s Laws Travel

Customs is punishment for those who travel.

(1969 – ) American comedian & actor
Activities Travel

I live in a two-income household… but who knows how long my mom can keep that up.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Family Money Mothers Travel Work

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging; then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it; that’s why there’s graffiti and babies.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Activities Travel

Detour: Something that lengthens your mileage, diminishes your gas, and strengthens your vocabulary.

Activities Definitions Travel

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Activities Places Things Travel

In America there are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Activities America Places Travel

1. You can get “anywhere” in ten minutes if you go fast enough.
2. Speed bumps are of negligible effect when the vehicle exceeds triple the desired restraining speed.
3. The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.
4. This lane ends in 500 feet.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.

(1934 – 1997) journalist
Activities America Autos Places Travel

Those who live closest arrive latest.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

1. The last gas station for 50 miles will be closed when you get there. 2. At the moment of any departure, the level of gas in your tank depends entirely on how late you are. 3. You only run out of gas after your wife tells you to stop for gas before you run out.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things Travel

I'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics: Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limousines or the girls? … The answers are: no, no, yes yes yes!

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Activities Government Politics Travel