Subject: Age » Old

You know you're getting old when you start to dress in more than six colors.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author
Age Appearance Clothing Old

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Old

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Failure Friends Old People Success

Sometimes I feel that I’m not just aging… I’m decomposing.

(1949 – ) American federal judge
Age Old

First you forget names, then you forget faces… next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Intelligence Memory Old

You ever drive around with an old person who knows where everything didn't used to be?

American stand-up comedian
Age Intelligence Memory Old

I'm in a restaurant one time, we go to the men's room – my grandfather was standing by the condom machine going, 'Hey, this gum has got no flavor.'

American comedian & actor
Age Old

There are no old people nowadays; they are either 'wonderful for their age' or dead.

author
Age Old

Everybody wants to live forever, but nobody wants to grow old.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Age Old Young

I can tell I’m getting old because my Kindle is turning into a self-help library.

(1982 – ) American actress, stand-up comedian & writer
Age Books Old Reading/Writing

I have everything now I had twenty years ago – except now it’s lower.

(1911 – 1970) American burlesque entertainer, actress, author & playwright
Age Appearance Body Old Self

If you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory, like you've beat the night, but, if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist
Age Old Situations Young

When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.

Age Murphy’s Laws Old

The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are now too old to die young.

Age Death Murphy’s Laws Old

We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for our to amuse them.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Friends Old People

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.

Age Intelligence Old Young

The gods bestowed on Max [Beerbohm] the gift of perpetual old age.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Age Insults Old

She is so old… she was the waitress at the last supper.

Age Exaggerations Old

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that’s the law.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Age Family Old Parents Places

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses… drinks right out of the bottle.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Age Food/Drink Old

To what do I attribute my longevity? … bad luck.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Age Old