Subject: Age » Old

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Characteristics Friends Old People Women

Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can’t suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Age Life Old

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Age Definitions Food/Drink Health Old

Geriatricide joint

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Age Malaprops Old

By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball, he can't hit it that far.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Age Golf Old Sports

Good taste is the worst vice ever invented.

(1887 – 1964) English biographer, critic, novelist & poet
Characteristics Old Opinion

If you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory, like you've beat the night, but, if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist
Age Old Situations Young

Growing old’s like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven't committed.

(1905 – 2000) English writer
Age Old

The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have remembrances of what never happened.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Age Old Young

I can tell I’m getting old because my Kindle is turning into a self-help library.

(1982 – ) American actress, stand-up comedian & writer
Age Books Old Reading/Writing

The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.

Age Old

Girls used to come up to me and say, “My sister loves you.” Now they say, “My mother loves you.”

baseball player
Age Baseball Old Sports

My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette; we passed around six girls and one of them had VD.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Girls Health Old Women

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Failure Friends Old People Success

I'd go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Dating Old People Relationships Women

Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Age Appearance Body Old

Any child who chatters nonstop at home will adamantly refuse to utter a word when requested to demonstrate for an audience.

Children Communication Family Murphy’s Laws Old Speech

My wife and I are discussing whether we’re going to spank our child or not; I say wait ’til she does something wrong.

American comedian
Children Family Old

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Friends Intelligence Old People

Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Age Health Old Young

Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Old Situations