Subject: Age (Page 11)

When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving… he said it was elevator practice.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Age Family Things Young

I’m at the age where I have to find my hearing aid to ask where my glasses are.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Age Old

Forty: The most difficult age for a woman to pass; it often takes years.

Age Definitions

I don't need you to remind me of my age; I have a bladder to do that for me.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Age Health Old

I know we were buddies because he threatened to kill me on no fewer than three occasions, and he did that only to his friends.

(1935) British film director, producer & food critic
Conflict Friends People Young

While you can only be young once, you can always be immature.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Age Young

A very short one.

(1875 – 1997) French, 120 year old woman
Age Future Time

When I was in high school, a “drive-by shooting” meant someone had their rear end hanging out a car window!

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Activities Age Young

Always be nice to those younger than you, because they are the ones who will be writing about you.

(1903 – 1974) English intellectual, literary critic & writer
Age Characteristics Reading/Writing

After thirty, a body has a mind of its own.

(1945 – ) singer, actress & comedian
Age Appearance Body Old

When you've seen a nude infant doing a backward somersault you know why clothing exists.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Age Appearance Clothing Young

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Age Old Shopping

I was born nine months premature.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Age Situations Time

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.

Age Intelligence Old Young

Adolescence: That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life.

Age Definitions

Old age is like everything else; to make a success of it, you've got to start young.

(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president
Age Old Success Young

There are three terrible ages of childhood – 1 to 10, 10 to 20, and 20 to 30.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist
Age People Young

I'd go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Dating Old People Relationships Women

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid; girls got pinned, not nailed.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Age Dating Sex

He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Age Food/Drink Money Old

Zeal: A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Young