Subject: Age (Page 17)

I’m still going on bad dates, when by now I should be in a bad marriage.

(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Age Dating Relationships

When our friends get into power, they aren’t our friends any more.

Age Characteristics Friends Murphy’s Laws Situations

Sex at 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Activities Age Old Sex

Robins: I've just written my 87th book.
Barbara Cartland: I've written 145.
Robins: Oh I see, one a year.

(1897 – 1985) British novelist
Age Insults Old

The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are now too old to die young.

Age Death Murphy’s Laws Old

It’s good to be here… but at 98, it’s good to be anywhere.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Life Old

The older one grows, the more one likes indecency.

(1882 – 1941) English novelist, essayist, publisher & feminist
Age Old

You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea.

Age Ideas

It’s a good thing to be old, because that means you haven’t died yet, right?

(1974 – ) Spanish actress & model
Age Old

My grandad has a chair in his shower which makes him feel old, so in order to feel young he sits on it backwards like a cool teacher giving an assembly about drugs.

(1991 – ) English stand-up comedian
Age Family Old

I feel I can talk with more authority, especially when I say, ‘I don’t know.’

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
Age Old

When I was in high school, a “drive-by shooting” meant someone had their rear end hanging out a car window!

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Activities Age Young

I don’t plan to grow old gracefully; I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Age Appearance Body Old

We have a beautiful little girl who we named after my mom; in fact Passive Aggressive Psycho turns five tomorrow.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Children Family Mothers Old

Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Age People Understanding

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Old

We thought it was a bad idea you guys got married, but we didn’t feel like we could say anything because it was open bar.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Friends Marriage Old People

I'm in a restaurant one time, we go to the men's room – my grandfather was standing by the condom machine going, 'Hey, this gum has got no flavor.'

American comedian & actor
Age Old

Ask any woman her age, and nine times out of ten she’ll guess wrong.

comedian
Age People Women

Everyone I like stays the hell away from me.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Age Friends People

Until I was 13, I thought my name was ‘Shut Up.’

(1943 – ) American football player
Age Characteristics Communication Self Young