Subject: Age (Page 22)

I refuse to admit I'm more than 52, even if that does make my sons illegitimate.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
Age Children Old

I can tell a woman’s age in half a minute — and I do!

(1836 – 1911) English dramatist, librettist, poet & illustrator
Age People Women

Teenagers: People who express a burning drive to be different by dressing alike.

Age Definitions

My mother had to send me to the movies with my birth certificate, so that I wouldn’t have to pay the extra fifty cents the adults had to pay.

(1947 – ) basketball player, coach & actor
Age Appearance Children Family

After the age of 80, you seem to be having breakfast every day.

(1907 – 2005) was an English poet & playwright
Age Old

What's the advantage of having a kid at 49?… you can both be in diapers at the same time?

stand-up comedian
Age Children Old

Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.

Age Definitions

Age is a high price to pay for maturity.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Age

I was getting dressed and a peeping Tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Appearance Body Old

If something’s old and you’re trying to sell it, it’s obsolete; if you’re trying to buy it, it’s a collector’s item.

Age Things

If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.

(1931 – 1995) American baseball player
Age Health Old

The average age of our bench is deceased.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Age Baseball Old Sports

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Appearance Marriage

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
Age Old

A friend who is near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician
Age Friends People

You might be a redneck if… an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Age Old People Television

First you forget names, then you forget faces… next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Intelligence Memory Old

Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Young

I don't need you to remind me of my age; I have a bladder to do that for me.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Age Health Old

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Parents Places Young

I have lost friends, some by death… others through sheer inability to cross the street.

(1882 – 1941) English novelist, essayist, publisher & feminist
Accidents Age Death Friends People