Subject: Age (Page 24)

He may be the only kicker to kick and collect Social Security at the same time.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Age Football Old Sports

I was born nine months premature.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Age Situations Time

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the National Debt.

(1929 – 1933) 31st U.S. president, humanitarian
Age Government Money Young

There are five stages in the life of an actor: Who’s Mary Astor? … Get me Mary Astor… Get me a Mary Astor type… Get me a young Mary Astor… Who’s Mary Astor?

(1906 – 1987) American actress
Acting Age Entertainment Success

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was so poor I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Food/Drink Money Poverty Young

Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty… but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Life

If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you… the next time he’s in need.

Friends Murphy’s Laws Old People

I’m getting pretty worried; my girlfriend hasn’t gotten her period… and she’s already 14.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Age Girlfriends People

When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults and they enter society, one of the politer names of hell.

(1925 – ) English writer & editor
Age Young

He was young – He was fair – But the Injuns – Raised his hair

Conflict Epitaphs Hair Young

Eighty is a wonderful age… especially if you’re ninety.

(1900 – 1973) American journalist & editor
Age Old

Golf, like measles, should be caught young.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Age Golf Sports

I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Old

When we’re young, we want to change the world… when we’re old, we want to change the young.

book publisher
Age Old

You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Clothing Old

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Age Friends Murphy’s Laws People

Adolescence is the time in life when a youngster is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.

Age

I used to dread getting older because I thought I would not be able to do all the things I wanted to do, but now that I am older I find that I don't want to do them.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
Activities Age Old

To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.

(1870 – 1965) businessman & politician
Age Old

People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Age Children Family Past Young

You know, you get that tattoo of barbed wire when you’re 18, but by the time you’re 80, it’s a picket fence.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Age Appearance Body Old Young