Subject: Age (Page 6)

True friends stab you in the front.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Conflict Friends Old People

A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger; my first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Dogs Old

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve; middle age is when you're forced to.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Age Old Young

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous; when I was sixty-five, I still had pimples.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Work

I smoke 10 to 15 cigars a day, at my age I have to hold on to something.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Activities Age Old

What's the advantage of having a kid at 49?… you can both be in diapers at the same time?

stand-up comedian
Age Children Old

Teenagers: People who get hungry again before the dishes are even washed.

Age Definitions

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Children Family Speech Young

People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Age Life Old

Growing old is compulsory – growing up is optional.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Age

After thirty, a body has a mind of its own.

(1945 – ) singer, actress & comedian
Age Appearance Body Old

When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Age Communication Speech Time

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Fat Golf Sports

Looking fifty is great – if you're sixty.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Appearance Old

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

(1898 – 1971) American humorist
Age Appearance

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Children People

When you’re older than the manager and the general manger, that’s not a good sign.

American baseball player
Age Baseball Sports

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

(384 BC – 322 BC) Greek philosopher
Age Children Family Fathers Mothers

After 60, all of us belong to the weaker sex.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Age Old

I can’t tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Age Old

There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Age Fools Friends People Self