Subject: Age (Page 7)

If something’s old and you’re trying to sell it, it’s obsolete; if you’re trying to buy it, it’s a collector’s item.

Age Things

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Age Law Old Sex

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Children Family Mothers Old

Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.

Age Appearance Definitions Hair

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the National Debt.

(1929 – 1933) 31st U.S. president, humanitarian
Age Government Money Young

A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.

(1911 – 1989) television actress
Age People Women

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Fat Golf Sports

Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and started growing in the middle.

Age Appearance Body People

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.

(1888 – 1972) French actor, singer & entertainer
Age

We grow too soon old and too late smart.

Age Old Proverbs Wisdom

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Age Conflict Friends Killing People

At my age, an affair of the heart is a bypass.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Health Old Relationships

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.

(1959 – ) American comedian
Age Children Ideas

Old age is like learning a new profession; and not one of your own choosing.

(1907 – ) French-born American historian of ideas & culture
Age Old

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Age Health

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near forty.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Age Appearance People Women

Yesterday: The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Age Definitions Time Young

[Adulthood feels like] walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Age

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much… then again, don’t drink too little.

Age Alcohol Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Old

The hands on my biological clock are giving me the finger.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Age People Self Time

When you are down and out something always turns up – and it is usually the noses of your friends.

(1915 – 1985) stage & film actor & director
Friends People Situations Young