Subject: Age (Page 9)

Growing old’s like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven't committed.

(1905 – 2000) English writer
Age Old

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Age Old Shopping

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older… little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman—stuff you pay good money for in later life.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Age Life Sex

After 60, all of us belong to the weaker sex.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Age Old

You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Old

Age is a function of mind over matter; if you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

(1906 – 1982) baseball player
Age Beliefs Old

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Education Sex Young

Old Age: When you wink at a girl and she says, “Something wrong with your eyes?”

Age Definitions

People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Age Children Family Past Young

Regardless of their age, most folks are not as old as they hope to be.

Age Old

I’m like old wine; they don't bring me out very often, but I’m well preserved.

(1890 – 1995) American philanthropist & wife of Joseph P. Kennedy, Sr.
Age Old

If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had.

(1907 – 1989) American writer
Age Characteristics Old

First you forget names, then you forget faces… next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Intelligence Memory Old

Tommy John is so old, he uses Absorbine Senior.

(1952 – ) American sportscaster
Age Baseball Old Sports

I have everything now I had twenty years ago – except now it’s lower.

(1911 – 1970) American burlesque entertainer, actress, author & playwright
Age Appearance Body Old Self

I’m getting pretty worried; my girlfriend hasn’t gotten her period… and she’s already 14.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Age Girlfriends People

Only thing that’s worse than walking in on your parents making love is walking in on your grandparents making love.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Age Family Relationships Sex

By the time a man finds greener pastures, he’s too old to climb the fence.

Age Old Situations

The older the fiddle, the sweeter the tune.

Age Old Proverbs

Nostalgia is heroin for old people.

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Age Old

Larry King is so old, he's actually one of the Jews that killed Christ.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Age Old People