Subject: Animals » Dogs

I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day… I make sure it’s with an elderly person holding a baby.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs Situations

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Animals Children Dogs Family

Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Animals Dogs Life Situations

Why do I always meet women as I’m leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? … and it’s always on the day I forgot my dog…

(1964 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Relationships Situations

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; this is the principal difference between dog and man.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Characteristics Dogs People

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Autos Dogs Things

My dog was my soul mate; we both took naps, we both skipped lunch, we both hated the vacuum.

(1952 – ) comedian
Animals Dogs

No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes you rich.

Animals Dogs Money Wealth

The dog has got more fun out of Man than Man has got out of the dog, for the clearly demonstrable reason that Man is the more laughable of the two animals.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Animals Dogs

He has all the characteristics of a dog except loyalty.

(1793 – 1863) American politician, statesman & soldier
Animals Characteristics Dogs Insults

Don't get mixed up between Pavlov and Pavlova, or you'll have salivating ballerinas and pirouetting dogs.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Animals Dogs

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that a child cannot do much harm one way or another.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Animals Children Dogs People

Any member introducing a dog into the Society’s premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat.

, ,
Animals Cats Dogs Murphy’s Laws

How can you tell if a Korean broke into your house?… your dog is missing, and your homework is done.

(1962 – ) American television host, actress & comedian
Animals Dogs People School

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.

(1894 – 1963) English writer
Animals Dogs

The nose of the bulldog has been slanted backwards so that he can breathe without letting go.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Animals Dogs

Happiness is a warm puppy with an empty bladder.

Animals Dogs Murphy’s Laws

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals Dogs

Heaven goes by favor; for if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Beliefs Characteristics Dogs

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building… on the ledge.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Dogs

Let sleeping ducks lie.

Animals Dogs Malaprops