Subject: Animals » Dogs

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Children Dogs

We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog; well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Animals Children Dogs Family

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day… I make sure it’s with an elderly person holding a baby.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs Situations

Even a dog knows the difference between being tripped-over and kicked.

Animals Dogs Proverbs

I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs

My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard and earned an online college degree.

Animals Dogs Education

Get a good dog; we have not picked up food in the kitchen in 15 years.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs

Any man who hates dogs and babies can’t be all bad.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Animals Dogs Men People

You might be a redneck if… your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.

(1926 – 1998) American country comedian
Animals Dogs People Rednecks

The more one gets to know of men, the more one values dogs.

(1803 – 1885) French writer & journalist
Animals Dogs People

Dogs are forever in the push-up position.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs

These days it’s hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Animals Dogs

My dog’s favorite bone is in my arm!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs

Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs

I love my hunting dog… well I loved my hunting dog… I'm not very good at hunting.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Activities Animals Dogs

It was raining cats and dogs, and I fell in a poodle.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Animals Cats Dogs

I loathe people who keep dogs; they are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

(1849 – 1912) Swedish writer
Animals Dogs Emotions

Happiness is a warm puppy.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)
Animals Dogs Emotions Happiness

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer
Animals Communication Dogs Speech

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs Situations