Subject: Animals » Dogs (Page 3)

Get a good dog; we have not picked up food in the kitchen in 15 years.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs

I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer
Animals Communication Dogs Speech

My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs Marriage Wives

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; this is the principal difference between dog and man.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Characteristics Dogs People

Free Puppies: part German shepherd, part stupid dog.

Animals Classifieds Dogs

I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs

Yesterday I was a dog… today I’m a dog… tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There’s so little hope for advancement.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)
Animals Dogs

I have nothing against dogs; I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Animals Dogs

All bachelors love dogs, and we would love children just as much if they could be taught to retrieve.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Animals Dogs

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m The Beatles.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Animals Dogs

My parents had to tie a pork chop around my neck so the dog would play with me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs Family Parents

Any man who hates dogs and babies can’t be all bad.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Animals Dogs Emotions People

He that lies down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Animals Dogs Relationships

He has all the characteristics of a dog except loyalty.

(1793 – 1863) American politician, statesman & soldier
Animals Characteristics Dogs Insults

Heaven goes by favor; for if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Beliefs Characteristics Dogs

You might be a redneck if… you've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs People Rednecks

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Animals Death Dogs Marriage

The dog has got more fun out of Man than Man has got out of the dog, for the clearly demonstrable reason that Man is the more laughable of the two animals.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Animals Dogs

If you want to cure your dog’s bad breath, just pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Animals Dogs

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Animals Children Dogs Learning