Subject: Animals » Dogs (Page 4)

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Animals Beliefs Dogs

You might be a redneck if… you take your dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs People

It was raining cats and dogs, and I fell in a poodle.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Animals Cats Dogs

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that a child cannot do much harm one way or another.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Animals Children Dogs People

I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building… on the ledge.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Dogs

The dog has got more fun out of Man than Man has got out of the dog, for the clearly demonstrable reason that Man is the more laughable of the two animals.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Animals Dogs

Dogs are forever in the push-up position.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs

Dogs are like penises… I enjoy my own, but I don't want to be touched by anyone else's.

American comedian
Animals Dogs

Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Animals Dogs Life Situations

My dog’s favorite bone is in my arm!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs

Dog Kennel: A barking lot.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Most jobs resemble a sled dog team: no one gets a change of scenery, except the lead dog.

Animals Dogs Murphy’s Laws Situations Work

When walking a dog, be sure then animal is smaller than you.

Animals Dogs Murphy’s Laws

Life is like a dogsled team; if you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Animals Dogs Life

A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Animals Dogs Ideas Intelligence

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Computers Dogs School Things

I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs Intelligence

Happiness is a warm puppy.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)
Animals Dogs Emotions Happiness

Happiness is a warm puppy with an empty bladder.

Animals Dogs Murphy’s Laws