Subject: Animals » Dogs (Page 5)

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs Situations

The dog has got more fun out of Man than Man has got out of the dog, for the clearly demonstrable reason that Man is the more laughable of the two animals.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Animals Dogs

My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs Marriage Wives

A lot of rich women seeing how small they can get their dogs.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Dogs Places Women

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Emotions Love

The vet says the dog will not lick the salve because the salve tastes bad to the dog… hello?… he's already licking his ass.

(1960 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Health

You might be a redneck if… you take your dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs People

The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Animals Dogs

Why do I always meet women as I’m leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? … and it’s always on the day I forgot my dog…

(1964 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Relationships Situations

These days it’s hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Animals Dogs

… that indefatigable and unsavory engine of pollution

(1906 – 1992) English academic, barrister & book-collector
Animals Dogs

Yesterday I was a dog… today I’m a dog… tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There’s so little hope for advancement.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)
Animals Dogs

I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs

I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day… I make sure it’s with an elderly person holding a baby.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs Situations

Don't get mixed up between Pavlov and Pavlova, or you'll have salivating ballerinas and pirouetting dogs.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Animals Dogs

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.

(1894 – 1963) English writer
Animals Dogs

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Animals Children Dogs Family

I tell ya, my dog is lazy; he don’t chase cars… he sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer
Animals Dogs

Dog: An intelligent four-footed animal who walks around with an idiot on the end of his leash.

Animals Definitions Dogs