Subject: Animals » Dogs (Page 5)

The nose of the bulldog has been slanted backwards so that he can breathe without letting go.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Animals Dogs

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child; we can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Animals Children Dogs Family

My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Animals Cats Dogs

I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs

You might be a redneck if… you've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs People Rednecks

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?… Four; calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Beliefs Dogs Honesty Truth

Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter
Animals Dogs TV/Movie Quotes

I spend three minutes every day choosing a TV channel to leave on for my dog; then I go to work, and people take me seriously as an adult.

American comedian
Animals Dogs Self

That dog was so lazy he leaned against a fence to bark.

Animals Characteristics Dogs Expressions

When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Age Animals Dogs Friends People Relationships

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Dogs Friends Money People Wives

I got a new dog… he’s a paranoid retriever; he brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs Wordplay

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Politicians

Any man who hates dogs and babies can’t be all bad.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Animals Dogs Men People

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Computers Dogs School Things

My girlfriend’s dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one: She was livid… “What am I going to do with two dead dogs?”

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs Wordplay

If you want to cure your dog’s bad breath, just pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Animals Dogs

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs Situations

Even a dog knows the difference between being tripped-over and kicked.

Animals Dogs Proverbs

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Children Dogs

The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.

(1954 – 2000) humorist, writer & radio commentator
Animals Beliefs Dogs God