Subject: Animals » Dogs (Page 6)

How can you tell if a Korean broke into your house?… your dog is missing, and your homework is done.

(1962 – ) American television host, actress & comedian
Animals Dogs People School

You might be a redneck if… you ever named a child after a dog.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Children Dogs Family People Rednecks

Free Puppies: part German shepherd, part stupid dog.

Animals Classifieds Dogs

That’s why they’re man’s best friend… ‘cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are; so do women, but they’ve already got men

(1957 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Men People

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Computers Dogs School Things

I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day… I make sure it’s with an elderly person holding a baby.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs Situations

I tell ya, my dog is lazy; he don’t chase cars… he sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer
Animals Dogs

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Children Dogs

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs Situations

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you.

(1962 – ) American English professor & writer under pen name Eloisa James
Animals Cats Dogs

I don't have to walk my dog anymore… I walked him all at once.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs

If you want to cure your dog’s bad breath, just pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Animals Dogs

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Animals Dogs

I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs Intelligence

… that indefatigable and unsavory engine of pollution

(1906 – 1992) English academic, barrister & book-collector
Animals Dogs

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Animals Books Communication Dogs Intelligence Reading/Writing Relationships Situations

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire; they're trained for that!

(1964 – ) English comedian
Animals Dogs Government Law

The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

My girlfriend’s dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one: She was livid… “What am I going to do with two dead dogs?”

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs Wordplay