Subject: Animals (Page 11)

The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we'll find their money.

Attorney & entrepreneur
Animals

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Cats

Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Animals Books Communication Dogs Intelligence Reading/Writing Relationships Situations

Aa dog walking on his hind legs … is not done well, but you are surprised to find it done at all.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Animals Dogs

How are you supposed to be able to tell when cat food has gone bad?

(1964 – ) American
Animals Cats

Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Situations

You might be a redneck if… you think "fast food" is hitting a possum at 65 miles an hour.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Rednecks

A bit of advice: never read a pop-up book about giraffes.

(1963 – ) English comedian & actor
Animals Books Communication

… that indefatigable and unsavory engine of pollution

(1906 – 1992) English academic, barrister & book-collector
Animals Dogs

A few cobras in your home will soon clear it of rats and mice… of course, you will still have the cobras.

(1884 – 1949) American humorist & literary critic
Animals Situations

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that’s the problem; there’s a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals

How to Preserve Animal and Other Specimens in Clear Plastic

Animals Book Titles

Ant: A small insect that, though always at work, still finds time to go to picnics.

Animals Definitions

Because he spills his seed on the ground.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Animals

A bird in the hand makes blowing your nose difficult.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Animals Appearance Situations Things

A hen is an egg's way of making another egg.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Animals

My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet… Oh my god, that fucking thing would never shut up… but the bird was cool.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Animals Girlfriends

Rattlesnake: Tattle tail.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

That dog was so lazy he leaned against a fence to bark.

Animals Characteristics Dogs Expressions

If it's so great outside, why are all the bugs trying to get inside my house?

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Animals

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig; you get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Animals Situations