Subject: Animals (Page 11)

When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Age Animals Dogs Friends People Relationships

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Cats People Self

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Animals Food/Drink

Bear Eats Fruit, Takes Stuffed Bear From NH House

Animals Headlines

Let fightin' dogs lie.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Animals Malaprops Situations

Cats don’t belong to people; they belong to places.


Animals Cats

How can you tell if a Korean broke into your house?… your dog is missing, and your homework is done.

(1962 – ) American television host, actress & comedian
Animals Dogs People School

Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, "Is that Rod Stewart in first class?"

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Situations

Free Puppies: part German shepherd, part stupid dog.

Animals Classifieds Dogs

Dogs are forever in the push-up position.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs

Man should stop fighting among themselves and start fighting insects.

(1849 – 1926) American botanist & horticulturist
Animals Conflict War

My dog was my soul mate; we both took naps, we both skipped lunch, we both hated the vacuum.

(1952 – ) comedian
Animals Dogs

Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.


Animals Things

No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Animals Cats Conflict Fights

One time I saw two geese fighting and I thought, this is a pillow fight, ahead of time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals Situations

I’m disappointed with every movie about sharks that closes with “The End” instead of “Fin.”

Animals Entertainment Film

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? … it’s hardly ever for them.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter
Animals Dogs

The more one gets to know of men, the more one values dogs.

(1803 – 1885) French writer & journalist
Animals Dogs People

What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs People Self

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Animals Sleep

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Animals Definitions Eating Food/Drink