Subject: Animals (Page 16)

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks grey?

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals Science/Weather

I hate when women compare men to dogs; men are not dogs… dogs are loyal; I’ve never found any strange panties in my dog’s house

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Animals Dogs Men People

I loathe people who keep dogs; they are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

(1849 – 1912) Swedish writer
Animals Dogs Emotions

You might be a redneck if… your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs Money People Rednecks Things

But… You’re a Horse

Animals Book Titles

You can’t lose a homing pigeon; if your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, then what you’ve lost is a pigeon.

(1981 – ) English writer, stand-up comedian & actress
Animals

Never ride a burning camel.

Animals Proverbs

Fish: An animal that grows fastest between the time it is caught and the time a fisherman describes it to his friends.

Activities Animals Definitions

The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Animals Food/Drink

You might be a redneck if… you can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs People Rednecks

Dog Kennel: A barking lot.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Animals Appearance Cats Clothing

When I took office, only high energy physicists had ever heard of what is called the Worldwide Web…. Now even my cat has its own page.

Animals Cats Science/Weather Time

I bought myself a parrot, but it did not say “I’m hungry”, and so it died.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Food/Drink

Flashier Great Tits Produce Stronger Sperm, Bird Study Shows

Animals Headlines

Racehorse: A barn athlete.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Appearance Dogs People Self

The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

Happiness is a warm puppy.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)
Animals Dogs Emotions Happiness

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Animals Children Dogs Learning