Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Wednesday, February 12, 2025
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Subject:
Animals
(Page 17)
It was a brave person who first looked at a cow and said, ‘I think I’ll just squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out.’
Peter Kay
(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
Animals
Food/Drink
Cows
Milk
I just gave my cat a bath; now how do I get all this fur off my tongue?
Steve Martin
(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Animals
Cats
A cat walking into a room containing twelve seated people will jump into the lap of the person who hates cats the most.
Feline Law
Animals
Cats
Murphy’s Laws
Rattlesnake: Tattle tail.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Wordplay
Rattlesnake
When they were naming the animals somebody got lazy… whats he doing?… eating ants… DONE!
Demetri Martin
(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals
Language
Anteater
Ants
Name
I saw a mosquito in Alaska so big… I could see his brand.
Anonymous
Animals
Exaggerations
Places
Alaska
Mosquitoes
I finally know what distinguishes man from the other beasts: financial worries.
Jules Renard
(1864 – 1910) French author
Animals
Money
People
Worries
You might be a redneck if… your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals
Dogs
Money
People
Rednecks
Things
Trucks
The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually beomes a cat.
Ogden Nash
(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Animals
Cats
Kitten
Chicken: An egg factory.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Chicken
Eggs
Fiddle: An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals
Definitions
Music
Fiddle
The nose of the bulldog has been slanted backwards so that he can breathe without letting go.
Winston Churchill
(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Animals
Dogs
Bulldog
Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet; they should be the luckiest animals in the world.
Eddie Izzard
(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Animals
Horses
Luck
I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Activities
Animals
Food/Drink
Vegetarianism
If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.
Fred Allen
(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Animals
Communication
Criticism
Skunks
These days it’s hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.
Steve Martin
(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Animals
Dogs
Poodles
My favorite animal is steak.
Fran Lebowitz
(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals
Food/Drink
How are you supposed to be able to tell when cat food has gone bad?
Bridget Keller
(1964 – ) American
Animals
Cats
Cat food
I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I’d get.
Rodney Dangerfield
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals
Work
Big
Pet store
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Phyllis Diller
(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Animals
Death
Dogs
Marriage
Wedding pictures
The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.
Josh Billings
(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals
Dogs
Bites
Page 17 of 22
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