Subject: Animals (Page 18)

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster
Animals Cats

The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Animals Food/Drink

Man is the only animal that blushes… or needs to.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Emotions People

I got wasted last night, and I hit an animal with my car… in the lobby of Caesar's Palace.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Animals Entertainment Places

A barking dog is often more useful than a sleeping lion.

(1783 – 1859) American author, essayist, biographer & historian
Animals Dogs

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Animals Death Dogs Marriage

I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws.

(1821 – 1867) French poet, essayist & art critic
Animals Cats Insults Music

When turkeys mate they think of swans.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Animals

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Dogs

The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother… they’ll settle for a puppy every time.

Animals Dogs

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog; few people are interested and the frog dies as a result.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Animals Emotions

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Animals Communication Dogs Intelligence Speech Wisdom

Flying pests are more likely to enter the ears, eyes, nose and throat when both hands are in use.

Animals Murphy’s Laws Problems

Man should stop fighting among themselves and start fighting insects.

(1849 – 1926) American botanist & horticulturist
Animals Conflict War

A cat walking into a room containing twelve seated people will jump into the lap of the person who hates cats the most.

Animals Cats Murphy’s Laws

I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up… I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Things

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals Cold Football Intelligence Places Sports

Elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Animals Definitions

I wonder what goes through [your dog’s] mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.

American writer
Animals Dogs Intelligence Thinking

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Animals Beliefs Dogs

I tell ya, my dog is lazy; he don’t chase cars… he sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs