Subject: Animals (Page 19)

Otter Devastation

Animals Headlines

Smart as a tree full of owls.

Animals Expressions Intelligence Wisdom

I loathe people who keep dogs; they are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

(1849 – 1912) Swedish writer
Animals Dogs Emotions

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Animals People

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Animals Characteristics

Happiness is a warm puppy with an empty bladder.

Animals Dogs Murphy’s Laws

Do you know why kosher meat is way more expensive? … Jewish animals are better negotiators.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Animals

We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog; well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Animals Children Dogs Family

I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws.

(1821 – 1867) French poet, essayist & art critic
Animals Cats Insults Music

I have to laugh, because I’ve outsmarted even myself. … In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal… and, whenever possible, to look like one. I’ve gotta get inside this guy’s pelt and crawl around for a few days.

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
Animals TV/Movie Quotes

Cat: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Cats Communication Definitions Language

When walking a dog, be sure then animal is smaller than you.

Animals Dogs Murphy’s Laws

It was a brave person who first looked at a cow and said, ‘I think I’ll just squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out.’

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
Animals Food/Drink

All bachelors love dogs, and we would love children just as much if they could be taught to retrieve.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Animals Dogs

Let fightin' dogs lie.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Animals Malaprops Situations

My Big Book of Pretty Pussies

Animals Book Titles Cats

Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

I love defenseless animals… especially in good gravy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Food/Drink

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Animals

One time I saw two geese fighting and I thought, this is a pillow fight, ahead of time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals Situations

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Animals Situations