Subject: Animals (Page 19)

The measure of a bird dog's intelligence can be determined by the length of time it takes to resign yourself to his way of thinking.

Animals Dogs Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Cats

Get a good dog; we have not picked up food in the kitchen in 15 years.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs

I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws.

(1821 – 1867) French poet, essayist & art critic
Animals Cats Insults Music

Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Animals Dogs

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Animals Situations

Fish are always eating other fish; if fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shit.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals

Bombproof Your Horse

Animals Book Titles

As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax… you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients, " but another kept reminding me, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."

Animals Doctors Health

My dog was my soul mate; we both took naps, we both skipped lunch, we both hated the vacuum.

(1952 – ) comedian
Animals Dogs

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Cats People

I played a great horse yesterday; it took seven horses to beat him.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Animals

I’d rather have an inch of a dog than miles of pedigree.

Animals Characteristics People

I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs Intelligence

Zoo: A place where humans go and animals are barred.

Animals Definitions

When a cat ignores you, you think “that's on you” … when a dog ignores you, you think “you saw into my dark soul.”

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Animals Cats

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Animals Children Dogs Family

It is not enough for a man to know how to ride; he must know how to fall.

Animals Proverbs

The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Animals Food/Drink

A zebra cannot change its spots.

(1948 – ) U.S. vice president & politician, author & environmentalist
Animals Malaprops

Caterpillar: An upholstered worm.

Animals Definitions