Subject: Animals (Page 4)

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Animals

If man evolved from monkeys and apes… why do we still have monkeys and apes?

(1965 – ) American comedian
Animals Science/Weather

A bit of advice: never read a pop-up book about giraffes.

(1963 – ) English comedian & actor
Animals Books Communication

This bear was six foot seven in his stocking feet and had shoes on.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Animals TV/Movie Quotes

A horse is dangerous at both ends and uncomfortable in the middle.

(1908 –1964) Scottish writer (James Bond)
Animals

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Animals Communication

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist
Animals Cats Characteristics People

Even snakes are afraid of snakes.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Characteristics Fear

You may have a dog that won’t sit up, roll over or even cook breakfast, not because she’s too stupid to learn how but because she’s too smart to bother.

Animals Dogs

Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Situations

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals

Happiness is a warm puppy.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)
Animals Dogs Emotions Happiness

I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats

Animals Book Titles Cats

Once on my birthday my ol’ man gave me a bat; the first day I played with it, it flew away.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Family Fathers

I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs

I just gave my cat a bath; now how do I get all this fur off my tongue?

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Animals Cats

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Animals Children Dogs Learning

I think what sets us apart from other animals is that we aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Animals People

Cats have nine lives… which makes them ideal for experimentation.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Animals Cats

A zebra cannot change its spots.

(1948 – ) U.S. vice president & politician, author & environmentalist
Animals Malaprops