Subject: Animals (Page 4)

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter
Animals Situations

He has all the characteristics of a dog except loyalty.

(1793 – 1863) American politician, statesman & soldier
Animals Characteristics Dogs Insults

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers; perverted sex involves the whole duck.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Animals Sex

I just gave my cat a bath; now how do I get all this fur off my tongue?

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Animals Cats

But… You’re a Horse

Animals Book Titles

Porkchops and bacon, my two favorite animals.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Animals TV/Movie Quotes

We heard the sea is infatuated with sharks.

Animals Malaprops

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you.

(1962 – ) American English professor & writer under pen name Eloisa James
Animals Cats Dogs

She has a face like a saint – a St. Bernard!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Appearance Dogs Ugly

I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs Intelligence

The cat could very well be man’s best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Animals Cats

F U, Penguin: Telling Cute Animals What’s What

Animals Book Titles

It’s the only state in the country where you can stand on your front porch and actually watch your dog run away for three days.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
America Animals Dogs Places

Dog Kennel: A barking lot.

Animals Definitions Dogs

No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Animals Cats Conflict Fights

I could tell by their audible gasps that people on the beach where jealous of me when I found six shark’s teeth; locating them wasn’t really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was.

(1982 – ) American author
Animals

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Animals Sleep

Some dog I got too; we call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs

1. The probability of a cat eating its dinner has absolutely nothing to do with the price of the food placed before it. 2. The probability that a household pet will raise a fuss is directly proportional to the number and importance of your guests.

Animals Money Murphy’s Laws

Man is the only kind of varmint who sets his own trap, baits it, then steps on it.

(1902 – 1968) novelist
Accidents Animals People Problems

The scientific name for an animal that doesn’t either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.

(1947 – ) American philosopher of science
Animals Science/Weather