Subject: Animals (Page 4)

Do you think pandas know they’re Chinese and they’re taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?

(1977 – ) Australian comedian
Animals Places

When insects take over the world, we hope they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Animals

Horses just naturally have Mohawk haircuts.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals

It was a brave person who first looked at a cow and said, ‘I think I’ll just squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out.’

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
Animals Food/Drink

A bird in the hand is dead.

Animals Death Murphy’s Laws

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

(1939 – ) English actor, comedian, writer & producer
Animals

Cats… a standing rebuke to behavioural scientist.


Animals Cats

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? … it’s hardly ever for them.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter
Animals Dogs

I’m afraid of sharks – but only in a water situation.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals Fear

Once on my birthday my ol’ man gave me a bat; the first day I played with it, it flew away.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Family Fathers

Even a dog knows the difference between being tripped-over and kicked.

Animals Dogs Proverbs

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Politicians

Dog Kennel: A barking lot.

Animals Definitions Dogs

How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You

Book Titles Cats

I have to laugh, because I’ve outsmarted even myself. … In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal… and, whenever possible, to look like one. I’ve gotta get inside this guy’s pelt and crawl around for a few days.

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
Animals TV/Movie Quotes

Everything tastes more or less like chicken.

Animals Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

A man who was loved by 300 women singled me out to live with him… Why? … I was the only one without a cat.

(1952 – ) comedian
Animals Cats Dating Relationships

Generally speaking, I think it is fair to say that I am a friend to the creatures of the earth when I am not busy eating them or wearing them.

(1971 – ) American author, actor & humorist
Animals

Black beauty – he's a dark horse.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Animals

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

Animals

A bit of advice: never read a pop-up book about giraffes.

(1963 – ) English comedian & actor
Animals Books Communication