Subject: Animals (Page 5)

F U, Penguin: Telling Cute Animals What’s What

Animals Book Titles

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

(1918 – 2002) advice columnist
Animals Characteristics Dogs Opinion

A bit of advice: never read a pop-up book about giraffes.

(1963 – ) English comedian & actor
Animals Books Communication

How to Preserve Animal and Other Specimens in Clear Plastic

Animals Book Titles

You've never seen a cat have sex… nobody has; the Discovery Channel hasn't caught that.

American comedian & television host
Animals Cats Sex

If you want to cure your dog’s bad breath, just pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Animals Dogs

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Animals Cats

Whoa!: A brake for horses.

Animals Definitions

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you.

(1962 – ) American English professor & writer under pen name Eloisa James
Animals Cats Dogs

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Animals

One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.

(1932 – 1997) British journalist
Animals Situations

All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.

(1938 – 2007) British writer
Animals

How are you supposed to be able to tell when cat food has gone bad?

(1964 – ) American
Animals Cats

You might be a redneck if… you've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs People Rednecks

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.

(1972 – ) English standup comedian, writer & actor
Animals Arms Government Things

Elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Animals Definitions

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers; perverted sex involves the whole duck.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Animals Sex

So, You’ve Got a Fat Pussy

Animals Book Titles Cats

Outwitting Squirrels

Animals Book Titles

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Animals Democracy Elections/Voting Government