Subject: Animals (Page 8)

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist
Animals Cats Characteristics People

My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Animals Cats Dogs

I wanna put stickers on turtles… I don’t know why.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Animals Children Dogs Family

He has all the characteristics of a dog except loyalty.

(1793 – 1863) American politician, statesman & soldier
Animals Characteristics Dogs Insults

Everything tastes more or less like chicken.

Animals Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

It was raining cats and dogs, and I fell in a poodle.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Animals Cats Dogs

Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Animals Dogs

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Animals

All men are equal before fish.

(1929 – 1933) 31st U.S. president, humanitarian
Animals People

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Animals People

It hit me how resentful it must make rats, knowing that they're just a bushy tail away from being hand fed in the park.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Animals Situations

The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother… they’ll settle for a puppy every time.

Animals Dogs

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Animals Death Dogs Marriage

Some dog I got too; we call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Dogs Relationships

Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they’re really doing is saying, “I can’t knit, get this away from me!”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Cats

I saw a mosquito in Alaska so big… I could see his brand.

Animals Exaggerations Places

Elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Animals Definitions

Do you know why kosher meat is way more expensive? … Jewish animals are better negotiators.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Animals

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

(1939 – ) English actor, comedian, writer & producer
Animals