Subject: Animals (Page 9)

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

(1939 – ) English actor, comedian, writer & producer
Animals

My favorite animal is steak.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals Food/Drink

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs Situations

One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.

(1932 – 1997) British journalist
Animals Situations

Flying pests are more likely to enter the ears, eyes, nose and throat when both hands are in use.

Animals Murphy’s Laws Problems

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Animals Family Parents

There are lots of reasons to love a horse, sometime it's no more than the sweet little way he stepped on some asshole's foot.

Animals

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Animals Situations

A fly was very close to being called a “land,” cause that's what they do half the time.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Communication Language

We better not, ya know, kill our chickens before they cross the road.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Animals Malaprops Situations

Bear Eats Fruit, Takes Stuffed Bear From NH House

Animals Headlines

The measure of a bird dog's intelligence can be determined by the length of time it takes to resign yourself to his way of thinking.

Animals Dogs Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

Yellow Perch Decline to be Studied

Animals Headlines

I finally know what distinguishes man from the other beasts: financial worries.

(1864 – 1910) French author
Animals Money People

Ant: A small insect that, though always at work, still finds time to go to picnics.

Animals Definitions

Last night he went on the paper four times… three of those times I was reading it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs

I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Animals People

The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Animals Dogs

Nobody ever committed suicide who had a good two-year-old in the barn.

Activities Animals Proverbs

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.

Animals Definitions Food/Drink

I never married because there was no need: I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband – I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.

(1855 – 1924) English writer
Animals Cats Husbands Marriage