Subject: Appearance

Phyllis Diller’s had so many facelifts, there’s nothing left in her shoes.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Appearance Body

The last time a straight man worked in the fashion industry, we got a fanny pack.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author
Appearance Clothing People

If the shoe fits, it's too expensive.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Appearance Clothing Money

Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Appearance Clothing Intelligence Wisdom

You know how embarrassing it is to walk with a girl on a first date and see somebody with the same shirt as you on – and they homeless?

American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Dating Relationships

Charm: That indefinable something possessed by girls with stunning figures.

Appearance Definitions

Your dresses should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to show you're a lady.

(1898 – 1981) American costume designer
Appearance Body Clothing Women

Bikini: Baiting Suit.

Clothing Definitions

I’m callin’ you ugly, I could stick yo face in some dough and make some gorilla cookies.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes Ugly

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body Clothing Signs

Everything you see, I owe to spaghetti.

(1934 – ) Italian actress
Appearance Body Food/Drink Self

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Appearance Body Characteristics

She was so ugly that when I bent down to pet her cat it turned out to be the hair on her legs.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Hair Ugly

Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.

Appearance Proverbs

Merely because the group is in formation does not mean that the group is on the right course.

Appearance Murphy’s Laws

She is so fat… when she was a kid she could only play seek.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

David Cameron says he’ll put a cap on immigrants coming into the UK… that’s wrong… immigrants should be allowed to wear what they like.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Clothing

If you told her to haul butt, she would have to make two trips.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf.

(1866 – 1946) English author
Appearance Body Golf Sports

Time may be a great healer, but’s it’s a lousy beautician.

Appearance Health Time

Angelina Jolie has a fine pair of child-bearing lips.

Irish journalist & film critic
Appearance Reviews/Criticism