Subject: Appearance » Body

Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie;’ he said ‘God beat me to it.’

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Appearance Body Food/Drink

Two heads are better than one… unless they're on the same body.

(1885 –1974) American cartoonist, humor writer & radio personality
Appearance Body

She has breasts of granite and a mind like a Gruyere cheese.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Appearance Body Insults Mind

I'm not against half-naked girls – not as often as I'd like to be.

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor
Appearance Body Clothing Situations

The older you get, the higher your underwear – get like rings on a tree; you're 80-90 years old – your breasts are inside them.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Age Appearance Body Clothing Old

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Body Intelligence Men People Stupidity

He is so fat… he can't even jump to a conclusion.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body People Self

If I want to wear my tits on my back, that’s my business!

(1946 – ) American recording artist, actress, director & record producer
Appearance Body Self

She’s so fat it takes two dogs to bark at her.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

Diaphragm: A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

Body Definitions Health

I'm just a person trapped in a woman's body.

(1952 – ) comedian
Body People Self Women

I was walking down the street, something caught my eye – and dragged it fifteen feet.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Body Places Situations

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Appearance Body Characteristics

I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I’m pale and I’m redheaded. I don't tan – I stroke!

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance Body TV/Movie Quotes

He looks like a bag of antlers.

Appearance Body Expressions

I belong to a gym now… well, let me rephrase that: I don't belong there at all, but I go.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol Appearance Beer Body Men

He (Jimmie Foxx) has muscles in his hair.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Appearance Body

Her body has gone to her head.

(1907 – 1990) American actress
Appearance Body Insults

I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims who have to be identified by their dental records. If they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

(1957 – ) is an English comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Body Death