Subject: Appearance » Body (Page 3)

Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Body Definitions

That's like the Queen Mary losing a deck chair.

(1928 – 2001) American basketball coach
Appearance Body Fat

I broke my arm trying to fold a bed… it wasn’t the kind that folds.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Body Things

It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Appearance Body

I don't have a huge penis, but I had everything in my bedroom built to three-quarters scale so it looks bigger.

stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Body

I actually thought about getting breast implants because I'm a radical, militant feminist and a hypocrite, it turns out.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Appearance Body Characteristics

If brains were all that important in a beauty contest, you could enter wearing a Hefty Bag.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Appearance Body Intelligence

I was walking down the street, something caught my eye – and dragged it fifteen feet.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Body Places Situations

Alfred Hitchcock: One look at you and I know there's famine in the land.

Shaw’s reply: One look at you, Mr. Hitchcock, and I know who caused it.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Appearance Body Fat Insults

Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Body Sex Women

A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.

Body Fat Murphy’s Laws

Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Accidents Body Mind Problems

I sight down my nose to shoot, and now my nose isn't straight since I broke it. That's why my shooting has been off.

American basketball player
Appearance Basketball Body Sports

My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body

My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget.

professional football player
Appearance Body Football Health Sports

Thirty ways to shape up for summer — number one: eat less; number two: exercise more; number three… What was I talking about? … I’m so hungry right now.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Appearance Body Exercise

My girlfriend was so fat her clothes were made by Omar the tent maker.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat Girlfriends

I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Appearance Body Characteristics People

I was getting dressed and a peeping Tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Appearance Body Old

Fat is lost last where it is wanted the least. Corollary 1: Fat is lost first from areas of high desirability.
Corollary 2: With time fat flows from areas of high to low desirability.

Appearance Body Fat Murphy’s Laws