Subject: Appearance » Clothing

Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on; I’m going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Situations Sleep

I got some new underwear the other day… well, new to me.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Appearance Clothing

Guys – if your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Appearance Clothing

A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally.


Appearance Clothing

Not really a great outfit for work. Unless something opens up in the Hookers & Whores department.

(1985 – ) American actress
Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

I have a vest; if I had my arms cut off, it would be a jacket.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing

If you wear a turtleneck and a backpack it’s like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing

Why does everything you wear look like it’s bearing a grudge, darling?

(1958 – ) English comedian, screenwriter & actress
Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

There has ceased to be a difference between my awake clothes and my asleep clothes.

(1979 – ) American actress, comedian & writer
Appearance Clothing

"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf; the other is "Wear it if it clashes."

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Appearance Clothing Golf Sports

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up; so which one's the real hero?

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing

There were many times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Appearance Clothing Money Poverty

T-shirts that get you out of jury duty will not get you through air port security.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Appearance Clothing

When packing for a vacation, take half as much clothing and twice as much money.

Clothing Money Murphy’s Laws

You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up.’

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

Sweater: Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Appearance Clothing Definitions

Bernadette: Yeah, it’s your third date, maybe you could go more sexy.
Amy: Well, some people think the sexiest organ is the brain.
Penny: No one ever bought me drinks at a bar because my brain just popped out of my shirt.

(1985 – ) American actress
Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

I’ve got ten pairs of training shoes… one for every day of the week.

(1966 – ) English dance-pop singer, actress & former model
Appearance Clothing Misspokements

Women wear a pair of panties but only one bra.

(1946 – ) American comedian
Appearance Clothing Miscellaneous

All women dress like their mothers, that is their tragedy; no man ever does, that is his.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Appearance Clothing Men People Women

This shirt is “dry-clean only”… which means it’s dirty.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing