Subject: Appearance » Clothing (Page 5)

Maternity sweater, $52. Comes in unisex sizes.

Classifieds Clothing

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.

(1925 – 2010) American humorist & writer
Appearance Clothing Marriage

I just accept them as a great accessory to every outfit.

(1979 – ) American actress
Appearance Body Clothing

Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Appearance Clothing Men People Women

Judge not a man by his clothes, but by his wife's clothes.

(1864 – 1930) Scottish whisky distiller
Appearance Clothing Men People Wives

Kilt: A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
America Clothing Definitions Places

They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Appearance Clothing Men People

As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight.


Appearance Body Clothing

The older you get, the higher your underwear – get like rings on a tree; you're 80-90 years old – your breasts are inside them.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Age Appearance Body Clothing Old

Girdle: Accessory after the fat.

Appearance Clothing Definitions Wordplay

An income tax form is like a laundry list – either way you lose your shirt.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Clothing Government Taxes

Wear the right costume and the part plays itself.

Appearance Clothing Murphy’s Laws

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window; you may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright
Appearance Clothing Marriage Shopping

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Clothing Sex Wives

I got some new underwear the other day… well, new to me.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Appearance Clothing

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body Clothing Signs

When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them.

Appearance Clothing Murphy’s Laws

1. If you like it, they don't have it in your size. 2. If you like it and its in your size, it doesn't fit anyway. 3. If you like it and it fits, you can't afford it. 4. If you like it, it fits, and you can afford it, it falls apart the first time you wash it.

Appearance Clothing Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Militant feminists, I take my hat off to them, they don’t like that.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Appearance Clothing People Women

If you have a funny costume, you can’t really wear it when you get older.

(1959 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & television host
Age Appearance Clothing

I think one reason they cal them Relaxed Fit jeans is that Ass the Size of Texas jeans would not sell very well.

Appearance Clothing