Subject: Appearance » Clothing (Page 8)

High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist

Why does everything you wear look like it’s bearing a grudge, darling?

(1958 – ) English comedian, screenwriter & actress

She’s so fat she wears stretch kaftans.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers… he was wanted for rustling.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally.


She's not wearing enough clothes to flag a hand car.

You'll never find the answer to 'What's the right hat?'

(1941 – ) American singer

I don’t want something around my neck that’s worth more than my head.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had a dress with a sign on the back saying… Caution Wide Load.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

When you’re gay every party is a bad sweater party.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian

I’ve got a shirt for every day of the week… it’s blue.

American humorist & public speaker

Tube Dress: A dress which is an extended boob tube.

I just accept them as a great accessory to every outfit.

(1979 – ) American actress

To attract the most attention, a woman should be either nude or wearing something as expensive as getting her nude is going to be.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Necktie: A decorative noose worn by businessmen.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

I think vests are all about protection; like a life vest protects you from drowning and bulletproof vests protect you from getting shot and the sweater vest protects you from pretty girls.

(1973 – ) American comedian

You know you're getting fat when you go to unbutton the top of your pants – and you already did it.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author

I think one reason they cal them Relaxed Fit jeans is that Ass the Size of Texas jeans would not sell very well.

I dress for women… I undress for men.

(1931 – ) American actress

Women wear a pair of panties but only one bra.

(1946 – ) American comedian

Kilt: A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist