Subject: Appearance » Fat

A big girl once came up to me after a show and said ‘I think you’re fatist.’ I said ‘No. I think you’re fattest.’

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Fat

I’m so fat and I’m so depressed; last night I tried to hang myself – but the rope broke.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Fat

He is so fat… he has group insurance.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

She’s so fat it takes two dogs to bark at her.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

He is so fat… when he steps on a scale, it reads "one at a time, please."

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

As soon as they get married, they all get these big old guts on them; that's not from drinking beer – that's from swallowing pride.

stand-up comedian
Alcohol Body Fat Husbands Marriage Men People

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had a dress with a sign on the back saying… Caution Wide Load.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Clothing Fat Girlfriends People

You want to have a little fun, go to a fashion show and throw a cookie on stage and watch them.

(1961 – ) American actor & comedian
Appearance Body Eating Fat Food/Drink

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool; I didn’t want to go, because I’ve put on like a hundred pounds.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Fat Situations

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Body Fat Insults

Little things start to change in your life — like your socks start to get tight.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat

She has a four-pocket backend.

Appearance Expressions Fat

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Fat Golf Sports

Square meals often make round people.

American entrepreneur & author
Appearance Body Cooking Fat Food/Drink

Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Fat Insults

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out; but I can usually shut her up with cookies.

singer & musician
Appearance Body Fat Food/Drink

When you’re a fat kid, you only get to be two things… funny and goalie.

(1980 – ) Canadian writer, comedian & political activist
Appearance Body Children Fat

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

(1943 – ) English rock singer
Activities Appearance Body Fat Self

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn’t eat before you swim; she said, ‘why not? ’ I said, ‘you look fat.'

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Fat

I’ve put on some weight recently; my wife says it’s just puppy fat, but I’ve been eating other things as well.

comedian
Appearance Fat

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws… only catapults.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Appearance Body Fat Things