Subject: Appearance (Page 10)

She had a face lift, tummy lift, and buttock lift, and now she's two feet off the ground.

comedian
Appearance Body

Rando: Nice wig, Janice. What’s it made of?
Janis: Your mom’s chest hair!

(1982 – ) American actress & model
Appearance Hair TV/Movie Quotes

Yeah, she's beautiful, but you can't find her IQ with a flashlight.

Appearance Body Insults Intelligence

Thirty ways to shape up for summer — number one: eat less; number two: exercise more; number three… What was I talking about? … I’m so hungry right now.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Appearance Body Exercise

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Communication Death Hair Time

Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says ‘I don’t give a royal s**t.

(1977 – ) British political comedian & television host
Appearance

Fat is lost last where it is wanted the least. Corollary 1: Fat is lost first from areas of high desirability.
Corollary 2: With time fat flows from areas of high to low desirability.

Appearance Body Fat Murphy’s Laws

I kept thinking, if his face was that wrinkled, what did his balls look like?

(1937 – ) English painter, printmaker, stage designer & photographer
Appearance

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician
Appearance Clothing

I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Hair

Pizza is like a lady’s breasts: there’s good pizza… and there’s great pizza; but there isn’t bad pizza.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Women

Actress Mary Anderson: Mr. Hitchcock, what do you think is my best side?
Hitchcock: My dear, you're sitting on it.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Appearance Insults

I thought to myself, join the army… it’s free; so I figured while I’m here I’ll lose a few pounds… I’m going to walk out of here a Lean, Mean, Fightin’ Machine!

(1950 – 1994) Canadian actor & comedian
Appearance Fat TV/Movie Quotes

John Conteh has a neck like a stately home staircase.

English boxer
Appearance Body Boxing Sports

My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body

T-shirts that get you out of jury duty will not get you through air port security.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Appearance Clothing

Makeup: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush which ironically makes Mom look better while making her young daughter look “like a tramp.”

Appearance Definitions

I'm Jewish and Italian, and I lucked out and got the nose of both cultures.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Appearance People

The sane appear as strange to the mad as the mad to the sane.

(1933 – 1967) English playwright
Appearance Intelligence

He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Insults

You’re as pretty as any of them… you just need a nose job.

(1949 – ) American actor, comedian & writer
Appearance Body TV/Movie Quotes