Subject: Appearance (Page 11)

Penis: The male organ used to write one’s name in snow.

Body Definitions Men

His face is sagging with tension.

English sports commentator
Appearance Misspokements Sports

She is so fat… when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marching across your face.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Time TV/Movie Quotes

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

Muppet character (Frank Oz)
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

Anatomy: Something that everyone has, but it looks better on a girl.

Appearance Body Definitions

After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash [mine] for a month.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing

Wrinkles: Something other people have… you have character lines.

Appearance Body Definitions

John Hurt looks like Joan of Arc, after she's burnt at stake.

Appearance Insults

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Appearance Characteristics Children Intelligence Religion Wives

I know the name, but I can’t replace the face.

professional baseball player
Appearance Misspokements

Cleavage: Something which excites disapproval in everyone but the audience.

Body Definitions

Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Body Health

You might be a redneck if… three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks

Rando: Nice wig, Janice. What’s it made of?
Janis: Your mom’s chest hair!

(1982 – ) American actress & model
Appearance Hair TV/Movie Quotes

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Conflict Crime People Self Ugly

She is so ugly… when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Mr. Lawrence looked like a plaster gnome on a stone toadstool in some suburban garden… he looked as if he had just returned from spending an uncomfortable night in a very dark cave.

(1887 – 1964) English biographer, critic, novelist & poet
Appearance Insults

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor… I was committed!

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance

You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Body Sports

I sometimes close my eyes during a show because I have drawn a picture of an audience enjoying the show more on the back of my eyelids.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Situations