Subject: Appearance (Page 11)

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Appearance Body Characteristics

She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitch folk.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Appearance Clothing Insults

My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body

You look like you have been drug through a knot hole backwards.

Appearance Expressions

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian, writer & director
Appearance Clothing Sex

She looks better goin than comin!

Appearance Body Expressions Ugly

Wearing a turtleneck is like getting strangled by a really weak guy all day.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing People

You’re welcome to take a bath; you look like the second week of the garbage strike.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Appearance

I don’t think cops should wear mirrored sunglasses; the whole time the guy was chewing me out, all I could think was “I should cut my bangs.”

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Appearance Hair Situations

I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Fat Government Politics

A face like a wedding cake left out in the rain.

Appearance People

Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.

Age Appearance Definitions Hair

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Appearance Insults

My girlfriend told me I had the body of a Greek god and I said you don’t know sh*t about Greek mythology.

(1976 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body

Buster Douglas went to bed as a 231-pound world champion and woke up as a 270-pound parade float.

American sports columnist
Appearance Body Boxing Fat Sports

I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to Ripley’s Believe It or Not: they sent it back and said, “We don’t believe it.”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Ugly

People on horses look better than they are; people in cars look worse than they are.

(1904 – 1990) American author & critic
Animals Appearance Autos Things

Baroness Summerskill: Mr Cooper, have you looked in the mirror lately and seen the state of your nose?
Cooper: Well, madam, have you looked in the mirror and seen the state of your nose? Boxing is my excuse. What's yours?

English boxing champion
Appearance Boxing Insults Sports

If she wasn’t so skinny, she’d be considered thin.

(1897 – 1960) Russian-born American film director, actor & producer
Appearance Body

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body… like a Peanuts character.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Appearance Body People Self

I ain’t afraid to die fat… that’s my pallbearers’ worry.


Appearance Death Fat