Subject: Appearance (Page 12)

He has left his body to science… and science is contesting the will.

(1939 – ) British journalist, comedian, writer & media personality
Appearance Body Insults Science/Weather

The trouble with nude dancing is that not everything stops when the music stops.

(1909 – 1986) Australian dancer, actor, theater director & choreographer
Body Dance Entertainment

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Body Mothers Science/Weather

You know you’re getting fat when your socks don’t fit.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Appearance Fat

It is my theory you can't get rid of fat… all you can do is move it around, like furniture.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Appearance Body Fat

Hockey is a sport for white men; basketball is a sport for black men; golf is a sport for white men dressed like pimps.

professional golfer
Appearance Clothing Golf Sports

Stomach: A bowl-shaped cavity containing the organs of indigestion.

Body Definitions

1. If you like it, they don't have it in your size. 2. If you like it and its in your size, it doesn't fit anyway. 3. If you like it and it fits, you can't afford it. 4. If you like it, it fits, and you can afford it, it falls apart the first time you wash it.

Appearance Clothing Murphy’s Laws Shopping

After all the nice things I’ve said about that hag! … when I get hold of her I’ll tear out every hair of her mustache!

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Appearance Insults

I got the classic Italian male body; I got the ass of a 270-pound man and the chest of a small Romanian gymnast.

(1953 – ) American comedian & writer
Appearance Body

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body People

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Clothing Sex Things Women

She is a peacock in everything but beauty.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance Body Insults

When packing for a vacation, take half as much clothing and twice as much money.

Clothing Money Murphy’s Laws

Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Fat Insults

The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says “Forever.”

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Appearance Body

I have good looking kids; thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Children Family Wives

He is so fat… when he joined Overeaters Anonymous and they make him a chapter.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Is she fat? … Her favorite food is seconds.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Eating Fat Food/Drink Insults

She not only kept her lovely figure, she’s added so much to it.

(1927 – 1987) actor, dancer, choreographer, director, screenwriter & director
Appearance Body Insults

I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don't have to.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Age Clothing Old