Subject: Appearance (Page 12)

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Fat Golf Sports

Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marching across your face.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Time TV/Movie Quotes

A bikini is like a barbed-wire fence… it protects the property without obstructing the view.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Appearance Body Clothing

You know you're getting old when you start to dress in more than six colors.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author
Age Appearance Clothing Old

Time may be a great healer, but’s it’s a lousy beautician.

Appearance Health Time

I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Hair

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Dating Hair

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Appearance Family Mothers Ugly

Men still die with their boots on, but usually one boot is on the accelerator.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Accidents Autos Clothing Death Problems

She is so fat… her favorite meal is seconds.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

You might be a redneck if… you have more belt-buckles than pants.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Appearance

I will never give up; I’m in my 14th year of a ten-day beauty plan.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Self

It's only when the tide goes out that you discover who's been swimming naked.

(1930 – ) financier & investment businessman
Clothing Money

If the shoe fits, it's too expensive.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Appearance Clothing Money

There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt.

Appearance Clothing

I’m so black, I leave fingerprints on coal.

(1957 – 2008) American comedian & actor
Appearance

Al, why don't you get a haircut?

(1897 – 1961) American actress
Appearance Body Hair

I told my girlfriend that it looked like she was drawing her eyebrows too high… she looked surprised.

Appearance

Every time I see you naked I feel bad for your wife.

Czech hockey player
Appearance Body Hockey Sports

It is my theory you can't get rid of fat… all you can do is move it around, like furniture.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Appearance Body Fat